Comfort Food

I'm not the sort of person that seeks comfort in food when I feel low or depressed. Never have. I prefer to enjoy my food when I am happy and with the company of friends. Fond and memorable memories were made around food. Memories that I treasure.

But something changed today. I was feeling rather low all of a sudden while chatting. It wasn't as bad but I needed something to comfort me. Usually, I'd watch Moulin Rouge's last scene where Satine dies, I'll shed some tears and be done with it.

Not today. I had the urge to buy chocolate. Sweet dark chocolate. I desperately wanted chocolate to make me feel better. As though the chocolate would sweeten the bitter sorrow I that I felt. So I went to a grocery shop and looked at all the chocolate on the shelves. There were so many of them, I couldn't choose. I would have just bought everything. I bought two bars instead, Cadbury and Snickers.

Will you bring me happiness?

I got back to my room and laid the two bars in front of me, just staring at it. Wondering if they could really bring me happiness. I nearly succumbed to gobbling the two bars there and then to fill the void in me.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. Something in me stopped me. It was partly because of the gazillion calories these bars contain. I've worked hard to stay healthy and fit. I'm not about to jeopardise it. But what really stopped me was, I knew that the happiness I get is only temporary. So I just put them aside and focus to balance my emotions instead.

In the end, I did eat the Cadbury bar but I ate it because I want to, not because I was low and depressed and I was happy because it tasted nice.

Now I understand how people with eating disorder such as this feels.

Never again will I seek comfort in food. I have friends that are there for me. I rather seek comfort in them.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

8 comments:

-C said...

Don't worry QR. We can be alone and depressed _TOGETHER_.

savante said...

Did both of you ( J and you ) plan the Snickers ad together? :P Hope you feel better.

Janvier said...

Yeah, suddenly we see Snickers here and there. But comfort food is comfort food - they may help us but not rule over us.

Thing's good now?

chase / chubz said...

snickers always brings me happiness. hehehe

but i usually watch movies when i seek comfort

The BuckSkin Cafe said...

Hey QR,
You are strong. That is a good quality. What you described is the same urge that lead people into drugs. I know. I'vw been there and thankfully have returned. Your thought process is one that needs to be taught to all people so that they do not turn to "whatever" to fill a temporary void. Thank you for posting these thoughts.

Cheers,
Phil

Queer Ranter said...

C: Eeeeeeks no!!! Never. :P

Savante: I was talking to him about the chocolates I bought. Then he wanted to post about Snickers. Hehehe.

Janvier: Things are fine now thanks. :)

Chase: Happy movies no doubt. Unlike my Moulin Rouge. :P

Buckskin Cafe: Well I hope people may learn a little something from here. :)

Jason said...

Hugs.
I know it takes time biut you're slightly better today.

Queer Ranter said...

Jason: Heheh. Thanks. Its alright today. :)