Sympathique

I was right about the splint being a magnet of attraction and sympathy. I could not take a single step without the "OMG. You poor thing! What happened to you?". Naturally, I smiled and replied to each and everyone of them the same answer like playing a broken record. I should have gotten a parrot and that would save me so much time and effort to explain. Or maybe a "I got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome" sign pinned on my shirt?

But I must say, they are kind to be concerned.

My supervisors were also deeply concerned. Can I type? How fast? Does it hurt? Were all the questions flying to me. Luckily I have a partner to help me out during my healing period. Sure I can do most of the work, just that typing is a bitch and holding a mouse is trickier than trying to pick a marble with a pair of slippery flat Korean metal chopsticks...

It was a very "Sympathize QR Day".

I was filled with so much sympathy that I could not help but show some of it to some of them in my office.

Person: Oh my. What happened to your hand?
Me: Ah just Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. No fuss.
P: That sounds serious! Do you usually get this disease?
M: Uh... STD is a disease. This is a condition...

I truly sympathize...

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

The Favourite

After notifying my supervisors of my hand and wrist injury, I think they panic and went on an overly concerned mode. They kept asking about the orthopedic diagnosis and what the prognosis is. So much so, they kept trying to reach me and finally when they got a hold on me:

SV: QR, hello. How's the hand?
QR: It's alright. Just keeping it idle.
SV: Alright. I would like you to clear your leave. Take a week off. You've been offshore for far too long.
QR: Leave? Who? What? Why? Do you have enough people in the office?
SV: Yea no worries.

Honestly, I never saw this coming from my "Rule with an iron fist" Supervisor but I am not complaining. My other colleagues are envious but they are not surprised as they dubbed me as "The Favourite". I shall gladly take the leave. Well I am already into the leave in KL! The Doctor insists that I come back so he can work his "magic healing" on my hand and wrist through some sort of endurance training that involves the bed... I am starting to doubt he's a real doctor.

My poor disabled hand.

As for the orthopedics' diagnosis, it is a mild case of CTS. I am to keep my wrist immobile as much as possible to let the nerve heal naturally. This means less autoeroticism activities with the right hand, less typing, basically less everything with the right hand. I have to be a lefty till the right hand is better. So the doctor instructed me to wear a splint.

Claw of The Disabled Hand!

So unglam and straight right... Why could it not be pink with glitters?! I need rhinestones and turn it into an accessory ala Lady Gaga. However it is good for one thing, it attracts attention and sympathy! Yes I bask in attention and sympathy. Such attention whore I know.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Pulling Invisible Strings

Quote Yer how nice to have a doctor for a BF unquote. Wise words from Alexander The Gay while The Doctor was consulting him work related injury claim. Milk them for all they are worth as they say but unfortunately, no good news on the claiming. No matter, I got something else just as good.

Apparently The Doctor has been making many calls about my hand/wrist injury. Starting with the medic. I gasped and almost had a fit when I heard he called the medic. He called me but I could not be reached so he asked for the medic instead. I was expecting a lecture from The Doctor and wounded the medic's ego so much that he will jump off the platform and never to be seen again. No such thing happened.

Instead, it was the Medical Officer and Houseman authoritative communication system, "do as I say or I'll spank you in front of the patients". The Doctor insists that the syndromes are consistent with CTS and I should be sent home. More work will aggravate the condition. Lo and behold, the medic said alright and I'm going home tomorrow by chopper!

Talk about a medical evacuation.

The medic till now still is not convinced it is CTS. Muscle strain or nerve problem were his prognosis from repetitive work. Does that not sound like CTS... Better still he still thinks it is possibly gout, no matter how remote the chances of me getting that.

I will go to the hospital tomorrow and meet an orthopedic for a clinical diagnosis on my poor right hand. I wonder if I need a wrist guard... Are wrist guard the "in" thing now?

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Painkiller The New Penicillin?

People only appreciate something once it is lost, definitely true with my thumb. No I did not loose my thumb but it's temporarily having restrictive movements and unable to handle stress and strain. Stress injury from work I reckon. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is a bitch or so I suspect it is CTS. Repetitive motion on my right hand mainly opening metal taps for sampling crude oil, weakness while using my thumb and pain when gripping on something. Sounds like CTS.

I went to the medic for consultation and boy was I amused. I explained to him the condition of my thumb, he took a look at it and felt the area surrounding my thumb. There's a slight swelling but nothing too significant like the size of a turkey drumstick. Just a little bigger than usual and it is soft.

Maybe it is gout he said even after asking if I've been having red meat for my meals. I don't overdose myself with protein if that was what he was going at. Not like I have much use for those excess protein here anyways. I am not lifting weights to build mass nor do I have bulky muscles to sustain them... I have even attempted to suggest that it may be CTS but judging from his expression I might as well have some exotic tropical disease like Ebola...

I think The Doctor was practically rolling his eyes when I told him what the medic said. He would throw a fit at the medic if he is here. Maybe a man overboard drill too. Gotta love The Doctor for his charms.

So what does the medic do when presented a patient that is experiencing the above syndromes? Give him painkillers and tell the patient to observe the following days. Sounds like the early days of antibiotic. Fever? Here have a jab of Penicillin.

I hope my thumb gets well in the following days. Shall give the thumb a little break. What a great excuse to be idle out here in the sea and feed the fishes!

I shall stop typing now. I do not want to risk injuring it more. How am I to perform my daily ritual of autoeroticism?

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

QR Is Back!

Good gosh! My dear blog has been left unattended for two months and will you look at the virtual dusts that settled on it... Resuscitating a dying blog sure is hard especially when the momentum of blogging has been lost. I kinda feel a little weird typing this post even!

This is the price I paid for being ever so busy and workaholic at work, not forgetting the constant hitch offshore for several weeks. I'm well albeit tired from constant hard day's work, be it physical labour of the ever tiring job of "tai chi" paperwork. How else am I going to feed myself, yes?

Anyhow, I have several posts lined up for the coming days. So stay tune.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Say What?

I don't know why but people on the drilling rig are rather "angry" and always cursing when they're on the job especially the drilling floor. Fuck and shit seems to be the filler of choice whenever they're talking. It's a hardy job for them and they have to be hardy physically and mentally. To survive someone's got to be a little crazy and nuts.

Some more than others. Sometimes we just got to laugh to get it through the day.

That's not a good sign is it?

And this is my favourite. It was left behind by the contractors.

I wonder what "kerja panas" is going on.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Piracy Alert

When it comes to piracy, all of us are guilty of it I'm sure. MP3s, movies, tv series and etc. But this piracy I'm about to talk about is real piracy and not virtual piracy or DVD peddler piracy. Maybe not those Captain Black Beard of the sort. From what I hear, the pirates in this region wear some sort of bottom, topless and wrap batik cloth on their head.

I swear I'm not making this up.

Some of the offshore guys here I know told me their experiences being boarded or chased by pirates on speedboats. Apparently their speedboats are very speedy and outrun almost any boats out at sea. They even board offshore living quarters! They take everything like food, clothes, equipments and such. The people are only left with their underwear.

Warning! Pirate activity ongoing!

So to warn people around this region about pirate activities, they came out with this anti piracy network of a sort. When there's a distress some where, this printer will print what's happening, where and when. Real time too.

Though the region where I work is safe. It's too close to shore and too far from shady islands. I'd rather not encounter such thing thank you very much.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Stairway To Heaven

No I don't believe in it neither have I discovered an actual stairway to Heaven. It is this stairway I have to take each time I want to go to the platform or to the drilling rig. It's effing high and effing steep! Not only that, below is 70 ft fall into the blue sea. Effing scary!

Eeeeeeeeeeks!

One good thing from this is Brad Pitt buttocks here I come! Oh and burn them carbs and fats away! Not to mention my boots weighs a ton too. Helps accelerating the burn. Very lovely. I can see my legs are toning up. I'm very pleased with that.

It's just too much of a hassle to have to climb up these stairs up several times a day. Takes too long and too much energy. Makes me want to crash onto my bed after climbing it. Shall have to conjure Brad Pitt's buttocks and keep me focus.

Bubble buttocks...

Bubble buttocks...

Bubble buttocks...

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Not The Only Queer In The Village

If Daffyd was here, he'd be very disappointed to not be the only queer in this island of steel. I can't bloody well prance and shout "I'm the only queer in the village" or wear various leather outfits around the drilling rig now can I? That would be suicidal. The rough-necks might just kill me for it or maybe rampant gang rape...

How loud can one really go?

There are three queers onboard including me. One is a guy I work with closely and the other is a chef in the kitchen. I suspect he's the one doing the baking of all those cookies and pies. Devilish person tempting me with all those carbs! Fear not, I have been able to resist the carb calling. Woohoo kudos to me!

Day one when I was here, the guy that I work with closely stood out like an elephant in the room. Imagine elephant with pink feathered boa and glitters all over. He's the only one with perfectly shaped eyebrows and here's the dead give away, perfume. Yes, he uses perfume. I can literally track where we goes by just following my nose. No one here uses perfume and everyone just smells of sweat, grit and grease. Well just towards the evening.

He's funny as hell though. Never a minute we don't burst out in laughter while doing work on the platform. We laugh louder than the noise made by the machines. Makes people working around us wonder what we are actually doing.

Ah fun times.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

What Is Weekend?

Barely a week and being offshore has already gotten into me. I'm used to missing out on friend's events or happening parties since I'm so far away from KL... Kinda feel sad sometimes that I can't attend them. There's a saying that I learned from university time, "Visit the people that you love and care when they're alive because it'll be too late to see them in their funeral.".

Anyways, I've forgotten the existence of weekend and I didn't even realised it until I was talking to Lazy Girl on the phone about work and my laundry. Yes she's sort of my senior at work and yes she's sending my laundry for wash. Cool huh?

So I was asking if she remembered to pick up my laundry from my house and of course she forgotten. Poor girl got too many things bugging her at work. I told her to just go see my housemate, who works in the same floor, today at the office and coordinate with her. Little did I know Saturday is a weekend. Weekend as in no work in the office. No work in the office means no one in the office.

Gosh...

What has happened to me. I'm working tomorrow~~~

Office is making unnecessary hoo-haa that made the nice-but-grumpy Company Man being grumpy. No one likes a grumpy man especially when you're stuck on an island of steel.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

To The Floating Island of Steel

Morning folks!

I'm up at five in the morning, getting ready to go to work. Yes, it is five in the morning, it is a Sunday and it is a working day for me. We don't stop producing oil just because it's the weekend. I'm off to go to the drilling rig probably for two or three weeks depending on the manpower that we have to rotate.

I've never been to a drilling rig and I wonder what I will encounter this time. Weird man at sea like the Pinoys from my previous stay offshore? I'll keep you guys posted.

Toddles for now.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Big Toys For Big Boys

It really awesome working in the oil and gas industry. Big toys, big machineries, hard steels and hardhats are all part of the job. Grit, grime, brine and oil is part of everyday operations. If you're not doing work, it shows on your coverall and boots. Stains on the coverall and scratches on the boot surface are tell tale signs. But those are nothing compared to the rare occasions that a drilling rig (rigs and platforms are different things) comes along.

The photo is an example of a drilling rig. It's humungous!

This thing drills really deep.

I haven't been on this drilling rig yet but sometime next week I will. I wonder how's it like in this gigantic floating island of steel. I heard the galley is awesome and serves good food too.

Oh nos~~~

Fats!!!

Must resist.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Emily?

Not just one but TWO Emily!!! Yes, two trainees are being assigned to me starting Monday for a little project of updating our ancient useless database. So I get to manage them and be bossy on them. Shall I take a roll of Miranda Priestly? Nah, I'm too nice of a guy to drill them like that.

Seven months into the job and already I have two people temporarily reporting to me. How fun is that! My supervisor says, "its time to expose you to managing people". It just gets more interesting each time. More responsibilities are passed to me and my schedule gets busier and busier. A lot of planning and coordinating. I have to say, I'm slowly enjoying it.

Job satisfaction? 110 percent!

Sure I was extremely tired for the past week but hell I got things done. I even brought home work! Me?! Working at home. How out of character... Perhaps there's some truth in "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down". Not too much sugar though or you might just get diabetes.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Girl You Ain't Proud Of It!

The strangest thing happened at work yesterday. My senior come out to me. Oh yes you read it right, he came out to me while we were on our way to a workshop. Maybe coming out isn't the right term. He's loud and proud and all but people in the office still wonders why he's not married. Seriously... How can they even think that...

Imagine, he even does the snaps. Here's how. Start with right hand on the naval, makes a circle outwards and ends with a snap. Attitude is the key. That's his salutation with one of my girl colleague from uni. Yes, such queen diva he is in that sense.

I know I'm not much of an actor when it comes to acting straight but I just don't do loud and proud here. This place isn't KL. This place isn't Singapore. I'm not feeling adventurous to find out what people think about homosexuality nor do I want to change whatever their perception is.

He was asking a bunch of general questions about my past.

Do I have a lover?

How many previous lovers?

Where do you club?

It was a rather awkward situation, working colleague and all. I'm not the sort to shit where I eat so this was totally unacceptable. Well no matter, we have to look out for each other so I keep his secret and he keeps mine. He did mention that if I need to talk to anyone about it he's alright with it.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Drill Sergeant Turned Blonde

I have to start my post with a little character sketch of my mentor at work. She's a person who's straight to the point, do this do that and I want it done yesterday. She doesn't greet like every other people in the office does instead she says "What are you doing? Why are you idle?". Keeping to the tradition of their company, slave drive your employee for every drip of their worth. The equivalent of Emperor Shi Huang Ti building the Great Wall of China.

Well that was few months ago, things are rather different now. It's no secret that she's dating someone. In fact, it's a public knowledge and constant discussions of who this mystery guy is. Whoever he is, we are indebted to him. Work is less Spartan military like and she seems happier, less shuddery (not that I was ever intimidated by her to begin with). Rather she's become more warm and friendly. A laughter from her was like the search for immortality but these days it's a common sound.

She is highly knowledgeable in the oil and gas field and has memory like an elephant. Instant absorption and locked tight in her mind. I wish I have her capabilities. It'd make my work so much easier not having to dig up for references... Ask her anything and she can answer (though most of the time she makes us dig for the answer ourselves...). Basically, she knows her theoretical stuff inside out.

First it was the noticeable laughter from her, her friendliness and warmth. It was hard to believe at first but people change don't they? So we let it be and embrace the new her. Then an unforeseen, out of the blue thing occurred. Life sure does have it's puckish sense of humour.

She pulled a "I'm blonde" stunt.

She and my supervisor were having a lengthy discussion. At one point she got all confused and just blurted, "I'm sorry, you have to speak to me slowly. I'm blonde.". 

If that's not a 180 degree flip, I don't know what is.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

What's In The Yellow Box?

Offshore is all about the bold, bright and neon colour coding for good safety reasons. It's easier for rescue choppers or planes to spot something in middle of deep blue ocean that is searing bright such as yellow. Hence why platforms are painted brightly.

Conditions offshore can be quite severe although I'll admit not as extreme like the North Sea but still winds go up to 40 nautical knots per hour (73 km/hr) or faster. Weather change pretty drastically in an instant. I barely walk straight these winds. So equipments kept solid steel boxes like these.

Hard, strong and sturdy box.

But this box is not used to keep equipments. It has a more sinister purpose, pollute the sea. Yes it pollutes the sea with biological wastes. Sure, biological is biodegradable but it's still pollution. As much as we try to prevent pollution from crude spillage, this is unavoidable. This is why.

A hole!?

This box is the offshore version of a toilet. It's just you, the wind and the deep blue sea down below. Oh and not forgetting schools of fishes happily swimming and feeding on these biological wastes. It's not mystery why they're all so huge and fresh out in the sea. They're all well fed.

Of course this is not the same facility on a living quarters platform. Proper toilet and good living condition there unlike production platforms such as these. For what it's worth to those who ate fish for dinner last night, I never take a dump in these boxes. I make sure I'm good before leaving the living quarters. 

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

It's A Hard Knock Life

The next time you guys fill your petrol tanks in a petrol station, remember the sacrifices the people in the oil and gas industry make to give the general public fuel.


You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Bring Your Readers To Work Day!

Fact one. I work in the oil and gas industry. Fact two. I'm highly desirable when I'm in a company of men in the middle of the sea. Fact three. I'm just bloody gorgeous. Ok fine, fact two and fact three are just wishful thinking (though is it so bad for it to be true?).

I've been talking about my trips offshore and things happening in the middle of the sea but no photo to speak of to show all my readers. Well the other place of work besides the office. The office is boring and nothing interesting to see unlike the offshore platform.

To those who've been wondering what it looks like, this is it.


This is one of the three installations offshore. Pretty cool huh? Unfortunately, there's no scale to compare it with but it's not big neither is it small. If you can squint your eyes on one of the bridges and you'll see a white box. That white box is your normal 15 footer container. So just imagine a little how big or small it is.

On the left is what we call a drilling platform. See the bundle of pipes rising upwards to the platform? Those come from many thousands feet underneath the seabed. Then the middle module is where the pumps are to pump the crude to other facilities and shore. Then the right module houses compressors and separators.

Sure is awesome working in an installation such as this. I actually love coming offshore. Lots of things to learn, people are nice, free workout (see how much stairs I have to climb?!) and food is free (though not that good but it'll do)! There's on exception to this seemingly perfect workplace. My skin gets ravaged by the elements!

UV rays~~~ Go away~~~

I'm in such desperate need for Biotherm... Or Lab Series...

Sponsors anyone? Please?

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Don't Be Silly, These Too

I have been Emily Charlton-ed (think The Devil Wears Prada) by my supervisor at work. I was given materials related to my training to learn. I don't mind studying. In fact I welcome it. There's just so many things that I need to learn and best start with the fundamentals since I've been exposed to practicals and field work. Learning never ceases.

The first hint of her pulling of an Emily Charlton was Saturday. I should have known judging from the emails she sent to all of us in the team on a Saturday morning. Gosh this woman is not human. Bionic would be an understatement and robotic just doesn't cut it. Who sends email on a Saturday morning?! But silly me, I replied to her emails. I was up and felt obligated.

We were discussing about the materials for me to learn. So come this week, I was handed those materials. Then she said, "We'll have a test next week. Finish studying the ROLL (I have no idea what this stands for...) modules.". I agreed to it, well I doubt that was negotiable. Gosh I barely started and she's already talking about testing me...

Little did I realise the gravity of the situation. I mean, how hard is it to study for it and take the test? I've been doing it for 17 years and I did alright. So I asked my friend what's this ROLL is all about. Fundamentals this, basics that and principles whatever. Hmmm, seems alright. Then I popped the million dollar question, "How much of material is it?". 7 modules with an average of 50 pages per module...

Such an Emily-Andrea scene:

Emily: Right, these are all of the guests. Miranda invites everyone and we have to make sure they all think that she knows exactly who they are and I've been studying for weeks.

Andrea: I have to learn all these by tonight?

Emily: Now don't be silly Andrea, these too.

I'm screwed!

Does she think I have nothing else to do but study?! Gosh there goes my weekend! Guess that's why they're good at what they do. I shall persevere cause daddy needs a SonyEricsson Xperia!

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Festive Mood

Tis the season to be jolly and marry and gay. I'm ecstatic that I'm going back to KL on Christmas day. Albeit arriving in LCCT just 10 minutes before 26th midnight (the things I do for cheap flights), I'm still I'm happy about heading back to civilization. Initially I didn't plan on coming back. Was thinking I'll just wait till February.

Then I started thinking about the clubbing. KL will literally be deserted and that translates to no crowd in clubs. I can't have no crowd in clubs! Better club for Christmas and New Year when the crowd is at it's most crowded. So I took my leave from my many days of unrecorded leaves (it is estimated to be 14 days) and bought my flight ticket.

Things to do when I get back. Meet up with friends of course! Shop till I drop. I'm have a need to shop for chic office wear. I'm thinking of hunting for a pair of nice sunnies too. Clubbing all night long! Have good food, I'm deprived of good food here.

With only 15 days till departure, how do I concentrate on my work? It's not helping that half the office is empty and it's bloody freezing as well. I can't help but daydream about my trip to KL. Space out into twilight with the thoughts of shopping.

P.S. My office computer is acting all weird. Turning itself on and off... Annoying...

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter