Piracy Alert

When it comes to piracy, all of us are guilty of it I'm sure. MP3s, movies, tv series and etc. But this piracy I'm about to talk about is real piracy and not virtual piracy or DVD peddler piracy. Maybe not those Captain Black Beard of the sort. From what I hear, the pirates in this region wear some sort of bottom, topless and wrap batik cloth on their head.

I swear I'm not making this up.

Some of the offshore guys here I know told me their experiences being boarded or chased by pirates on speedboats. Apparently their speedboats are very speedy and outrun almost any boats out at sea. They even board offshore living quarters! They take everything like food, clothes, equipments and such. The people are only left with their underwear.

Warning! Pirate activity ongoing!

So to warn people around this region about pirate activities, they came out with this anti piracy network of a sort. When there's a distress some where, this printer will print what's happening, where and when. Real time too.

Though the region where I work is safe. It's too close to shore and too far from shady islands. I'd rather not encounter such thing thank you very much.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Stairway To Heaven

No I don't believe in it neither have I discovered an actual stairway to Heaven. It is this stairway I have to take each time I want to go to the platform or to the drilling rig. It's effing high and effing steep! Not only that, below is 70 ft fall into the blue sea. Effing scary!

Eeeeeeeeeeks!

One good thing from this is Brad Pitt buttocks here I come! Oh and burn them carbs and fats away! Not to mention my boots weighs a ton too. Helps accelerating the burn. Very lovely. I can see my legs are toning up. I'm very pleased with that.

It's just too much of a hassle to have to climb up these stairs up several times a day. Takes too long and too much energy. Makes me want to crash onto my bed after climbing it. Shall have to conjure Brad Pitt's buttocks and keep me focus.

Bubble buttocks...

Bubble buttocks...

Bubble buttocks...

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Not The Only Queer In The Village

If Daffyd was here, he'd be very disappointed to not be the only queer in this island of steel. I can't bloody well prance and shout "I'm the only queer in the village" or wear various leather outfits around the drilling rig now can I? That would be suicidal. The rough-necks might just kill me for it or maybe rampant gang rape...

How loud can one really go?

There are three queers onboard including me. One is a guy I work with closely and the other is a chef in the kitchen. I suspect he's the one doing the baking of all those cookies and pies. Devilish person tempting me with all those carbs! Fear not, I have been able to resist the carb calling. Woohoo kudos to me!

Day one when I was here, the guy that I work with closely stood out like an elephant in the room. Imagine elephant with pink feathered boa and glitters all over. He's the only one with perfectly shaped eyebrows and here's the dead give away, perfume. Yes, he uses perfume. I can literally track where we goes by just following my nose. No one here uses perfume and everyone just smells of sweat, grit and grease. Well just towards the evening.

He's funny as hell though. Never a minute we don't burst out in laughter while doing work on the platform. We laugh louder than the noise made by the machines. Makes people working around us wonder what we are actually doing.

Ah fun times.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

What Is Weekend?

Barely a week and being offshore has already gotten into me. I'm used to missing out on friend's events or happening parties since I'm so far away from KL... Kinda feel sad sometimes that I can't attend them. There's a saying that I learned from university time, "Visit the people that you love and care when they're alive because it'll be too late to see them in their funeral.".

Anyways, I've forgotten the existence of weekend and I didn't even realised it until I was talking to Lazy Girl on the phone about work and my laundry. Yes she's sort of my senior at work and yes she's sending my laundry for wash. Cool huh?

So I was asking if she remembered to pick up my laundry from my house and of course she forgotten. Poor girl got too many things bugging her at work. I told her to just go see my housemate, who works in the same floor, today at the office and coordinate with her. Little did I know Saturday is a weekend. Weekend as in no work in the office. No work in the office means no one in the office.

Gosh...

What has happened to me. I'm working tomorrow~~~

Office is making unnecessary hoo-haa that made the nice-but-grumpy Company Man being grumpy. No one likes a grumpy man especially when you're stuck on an island of steel.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Cookies

I am turning into the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street... The galley makes the loveliest cookies I've had! Forget Famous Amos, this is the real deal! Crunchy, buttery and moist chocolate pockets. Pure bliss I tell you and the cookie stays fresh, crunchy and warm throughout the day too.

Cookie~~~

The worse thing is, the cookies are placed in a very "strategic" position. It is by the by side of the entrance in a display... Irresistible...

And to top it off, pies. They have pies!!! They display the pies next to the cookies! Are they trying to kill me with such savory temptations?!

Help me...

My new trousers that I bought. I must fit into it! Fit into it without muffin top~~~

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Just Because

Starbucks merchandise... Why do they come up with such pretty merchandise?! What is it this time? It is this take-away mug thinggie. Check it out.

Starbucks Merchandise~~~

See see. How can one resist?! It's a must buy because it's so pretty! Gosh such a "just because" purchase. I got one, I just had to then that lazy woman got the other two. Her reason, just cause there's one more so might as well just buy it. Crazy woman...

Someone buy me more Starbucks merchandise?

Please?

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Lazy...

I have never met a girl who's so lazy in my life! She's not lazy in the normal sense. She gets her job done and works rather efficiently. no complaints whatsoever at work. But when it comes to everything else, she's the mother load of laziness... So lazy that she has a dictionary worth of lazy terminologies.

Lazy bag. A cloth bag that has no structure, just hangs as it is and most importantly looks lazy. If some of you have the what-the-fuck look, I don't blame you cause that was my first expression when she said, "I wanna buy a lazy bag.".

Lazy bags...

Then there's the lazy clothes. Basically, clothes that doesn't require any effort in putting on, feels comfy and looks lazy. I never knew there was such a clothing out there! No effort to put on cloths sure there's some out there. Comfy sure but looks lazy?! That takes some serious hunting for it.

I'm just waiting for the day when she asks for lazy food.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

You Were The One...

I was out shopping the other day with a friend. There's really only one shopping mall here that has the bare minimal of things for us to buy. Better than nothing I guess. But it is some kind of blessing in disguise. Not every trip, if not most trip, to the mall I come out with a purchase. So consider it a mild cardio workout without the burst in the pocket.

There we were in a shop that opened recently selling woman's clothings. They have some nice stuff but mostly clothes from Hong Kong (people here are very into the La-La and Beng-Beng style). As she was trying out some clothes, I was waiting for her outside of the changing room surrounded by mirrors. Naturally, I was staring at myself. Yes narcissist is me.

Then one of the two sales girls approached me and said, "Hey, you're the one who sat next to us on a flight back here.". I was looking at her as she said it but was bewildered. I don't recall flying back here recently. I don't recall flying out of here for that matter.

Me: When was this?
Sales Girl: Oh this was end of April.
Me: Oh gosh really? I don't even recall that flight. So long ago.
Sales Girl: Yea. We remembered.

That left me thinking what did I do that they remembered me so vividly. I don't usually, if ever, recall the person sitting next to me on a flight unless they really stand out. I'm either busy listening to my iPod, watching a movie on my laptop or playing with my iPhone. Nothing out of the ordinary really. Maybe I was reading a book then... I simply can't recall.

It was an outré encounter indeed. But more importantly, what did I do on that fateful flight?

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Poco-Poco

Poco-poco is a dance originally from Indonesia and now it seems to be internationally known. The name originated from an artist who was observing a plump girl dancing in a festival. She was so amused seeing the girl danced and uttered the word "poco-poco" and then wrote a song about it. I wonder what "poco-poco" actually means.

But what is this "poco-poco" dance? Watch the Youtube.


It's basically a dance move that is extremely simple to dance to. Two rights, two lefts, one back, one front and one back and repeat until the song is finished. That's the basic steps and many versions have appeared since then.

Why the sudden blogging about "poco-poco" you may wonder? This dance has been a staple entertainment source whenever there's any sort of functions in my company. When I first heard about it in an induction program, I was flabbergasted. Literally a deer in front of the headlights, moments before the deer turned into a roadkill.

Then just the other day, I got dragged into practicing the "poco-poco"... Spent two hours doing it again and again and again. My knees... This dance is high impact and if I was to do it some more, I'd need a knee replacement. Though it got me all drenched in sweat. My first cardio in eons!

I'm more amazed at the fact that "poco-poco" is, was or kind of a world phenomenon! I was shocked when I was searching for a video clip of "poco-poco" in Youtube. This seemingly silly dance is actually popular out there in the world!

But you'll never catch me saying, "Shall we Poco-Poco?".

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

To The Floating Island of Steel

Morning folks!

I'm up at five in the morning, getting ready to go to work. Yes, it is five in the morning, it is a Sunday and it is a working day for me. We don't stop producing oil just because it's the weekend. I'm off to go to the drilling rig probably for two or three weeks depending on the manpower that we have to rotate.

I've never been to a drilling rig and I wonder what I will encounter this time. Weird man at sea like the Pinoys from my previous stay offshore? I'll keep you guys posted.

Toddles for now.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

iNase

This post is actually three months overdue. It's been lying in my draft, dusting away during my long hiatus but it's finally here, posted. It's it my unveiling of my iPhone to everyone in blogsphere! Like all of the gadgets I have, each has a name and this one is iNase after The Doctor.

My precious...

When Maxis first announced the iPhone, I went nuts and craved for it badly. I've been waiting for this phone to hit Malaysian shore for far too long and it was finally here. Since then, the iPhone has never disappoint and has delivered more with all sorts of applications available for download. I'm extremely happy with it despite having a few shortcomings like no MMS, no copy paste function and etc.

All that shortcomings are now history and loads more functionality with the latest OS 3.0. Want to listen to my playlist in my iNase while driving? Simple. Hook it up through bluetooth to the car stereo and play! No more radio transmitter hassle. Fantastic function! I've also been controlling my iTunes using a wicked application called Remote. And now it is possible to listen to the songs and watch movies from my computer through my iPhone using AirPhones. The possibilities are just endless.


Recently Apple unveiled the iPhone 3GS. Amazing improvements were done and still keeping to the same slick and sophisticated design. Double the processing speed, double the capacity and so on. Though I'm not tempted to switch to the iPhone 3GS. The improvements made were not significant enough for me. Sure it would be lovely to have Voice Control but I can do without for now.

Thanks to my dearest Doctor for assisting me in getting my dream iPhone. Though he still complains about not having able to video call me for Edison Chen sessions. He's such a skank and yet accuse me being a skank. Talk about pot calling the kettle black...

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Online Obsession

Back in uni time, there was never a day I won't be playing computer games. DOTA was the name of the game back then. Then that went on a long hiatus right after internship. Internship taught me how valuable time is when all of my working days, twelve or more hours were spent outside of home. Time spent at home was very precious. Tranquility was highly sought after when working in the hustle and bustle city.

But these days, especially when I have ample time in my hands due to technical training, I've been busy clicking away in my Facebook. Not on profiles and comments and likes. It is MouseHunt! And real simple to play. Get a mouse trap, get a mouse bait and sound the hunter's horn every 15 mins to catch mice. Dead simple, easy peasy.

The real treat is to catch all the mice that are available in the game. Pretty artworks and considerable effort was put into the game.

This is an Assassin Mouse.

Very pretty artwork don't you agree?

And they're really creative when it comes to traps too.

Zugzwang's Last Move.

I just love the game. The simplicity of it and the amazing artworks. Give this game a go. It's really fun and amusing.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Watch What You Eat

I love my food very much. I enjoy cooking them and I enjoy eating them. Food is just too good not to be enjoyed. Though, food is best taken in moderation or it can lead to a myriad of detrimental health conditions. There are however a certain kind of food that makes detrimental health effects seems like a better choice of side effects.

One that I have been hearing constantly since I arrived is the infamous "Nasi Kangkang". I will attempt to translate it through literal translation. "Nasi" = rice and "Kangkang" = legs wide open. So that makes "Legs Wide Open Rice". Imagine ordering it in a restaurant.

Boss! Satu Nasi Goreng Kangkang campur Telur Mata dan Ayam Goreng!

Ewww...

Some say, the "dish" is prepared when the woman is going through her period. During this time, she will literally "kangkang" her legs and squat over a bowl of fresh hot steamy fluffy rice and let the magic do it's magic. Imagine the rich flavors permeating into the rice. Once all that is done, the rice is then served to the man of her heart's desire and will guarantee her hold on him perpetually.

Personally I don't buy into these superstitions or legends. It's just too far fetched for the likes of me to take it into my train of thoughts. I know they say the key to a man's heart is through his stomach but this is a bit much isn't it?

They also say the natives here are very "powerful" with their black magic and they enslave men through this method for a better living. I really don't know what to say about that statement. From my experience, they're really jovial and friendly people. Maybe that's because I'm not messing with their daughters, who knows?

As for the "Nasi Kangkang", that's just plain weird...

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Big Toys For Big Boys

It really awesome working in the oil and gas industry. Big toys, big machineries, hard steels and hardhats are all part of the job. Grit, grime, brine and oil is part of everyday operations. If you're not doing work, it shows on your coverall and boots. Stains on the coverall and scratches on the boot surface are tell tale signs. But those are nothing compared to the rare occasions that a drilling rig (rigs and platforms are different things) comes along.

The photo is an example of a drilling rig. It's humungous!

This thing drills really deep.

I haven't been on this drilling rig yet but sometime next week I will. I wonder how's it like in this gigantic floating island of steel. I heard the galley is awesome and serves good food too.

Oh nos~~~

Fats!!!

Must resist.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

I Need Wheels!

Nine months of working and hitchhiking to go to and from work, I have decided to get a car. Not having a car and be mobile is getting into me. It's not convenient to move around grocery shopping or for an outing with friends and none of us having a car. Taxis here use fix rate. That's twenty bucks to the city. One way. And another twenty bucks going back. Madness.

So I set out to find what cars I'd like to have and I decided on three options. Toyota Vios, Perodua Myvi and Proton Satria Neo. But it is unlikely I'll be able to afford the Vios with a hefty price tag of 75 thousand minimum... I'll have to forgo that option. Sigh. I'm rather wary of owning a second hand car and the price is close to owning a new one. No point really...

Between the Myvi and Satria Neo, I'm not sure which. I've driven the Myvi but have yet to try the Satria Neo. I do like the Myvi but it lacks in engine power I feel. It could use a little push in that department I reckon. Anyone using or driven a Satria Neo before?

My dream car... If only the Vios isn't ridiculously expensive.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Heatwaves

Normally people would complain about the weather being inconsistent like Katy Perry's Hot and Cold. It'll drive anyone to the brink of madness having sudden rain every five minutes. It's just as bad when you know the weather is going to be consistently scorching hot, day and night. Imagine 35 degrees Celsius constantly in the room...

Worse is at night when the weather is cool outside but the heat of the entire house is trapped in my room and the bed starts to act as a heater giving off trapped heat accumulated during the day time. Talk about the Greenhouse Effect in the house... I'm very tempted to turn on the air conditioning but it takes a lot of power to do so. Poking a gigantic hole to the rooftop has crossed my mind before. The only way to combat off the heat is a freezing cold glass of drink (the drinks even warm up to room temperature in minutes...), being in the nude and constant trips to the shower. Even that doesn't stop me from sweating like I just did a full Ironman Marathon.

Being surrounded by jungle fires does anything but make the weather cooler. Seems to be the season to start jungle fires for new crops. It got so bad that every night, smell of smoke permeates the air and constant haze. Even in such condition, I spotted my buffoon neighbour burning garbage in the open. What's wrong with throwing garbage into the garbage bin?

Weather forecast says it'll rain for the entire week. I really do hope it does. In fact, I'm hoping for a tropical storm. It's been awhile since it hit the city. Shall I do my native rain dance with my rain stick around the house?

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Retrospection

Emails between the blogging group have been awfully silent these days. Perhaps it could be just me, not being included in the list since my move here to the Borneo Island. Never the less, it just seems very quiet. I do miss the days getting torrents of emails every hour. But then again, back then I have the luxury of time to actively spam replies back.

Even the chats have been a thing of a past. I used to have at least five window chats open at any given time but not anymore. I've only been chatting with a constant few online every night, namely The Doctor. It's either I'm busy or they're busy or I'm just feeling tired and sleeping early. Such is the consequences of work and horrendous weather.

In a way, I am glad that we had our Thailand trip two years back (gosh it's been that long...). A piece of memory I cherish dearly. First time ever to travel with so many queers to a foreign land, moreover to the Land of Smiles, the Land of Heritage, the Land of Shopping, the Land of Masseurs and Land of Beautiful Boys. I would love to return to Bangkok one day. So much more to discover and so much more to shop!

I shall make it an effort to travel at least once a year to any country. Plans to travel next year have already been planned with The Doctor. I'm thinking of going to Melbourne to visit as well and I do hope there's cheap flights for it. Snowboarding during the winter with The Doctor, my sister and brother in law. Sounds like a perfect plan.

Well there's no use in dwelling in the past. Will have to do with the present and make it better.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter

Winds Of Change

Yes! I'm back from a few months long hiatus. Plenty things have change, yet plenty have remained the same. For one, I've decided to change the outlook of my blog again. I needed something new for my blog. Something a little brighter and cheerful but nothing too overly colourful. This template is just nice for my liking.

Updates on the career front. Things are going well though most of the time, I'm away for trainings. One and a half month worth of training is taking a toll on me. Slacking creeps in. I do hope I can build enough momentum to start working at my normal pace again. I'm now a permanent staff at work too. My probation period is over. Woohoo.

Updates on my love life. Things between The Doctor and I are going well with the occasional bumps here and there. It's been half a year come this month. He was here for Gawai long weekend. All my housemates were away and I had their car to drive around. We went grocery shopping, we cooked, we drove around sight seeing, we camwhored, we made noisy bonking and watched Twilight (we fell "asleep" halfway). A glimpse of what domesticated life we'll lead if we were to move into a house.

Updates on me. I am now officially the Domesticated Fairy. I go grocery shopping and cook for the house. Only on weekends though cause that's when I have the whole day to prepare. I'm slowly collecting and learning cooking recipes.

That's all the updates for now. I'm sure more will come as I blog. Feels good to be back.

You know you love me.
XOXO
Queer Ranter