My England Very Good

As Malaysians, we've come a long way. 50 years of independence and we have achieved so much. We have the Twin Towers of Petronas, KL Tower, strong economy and generally the people are happy. But the most outstanding achievement is we have assimilated the English Language to our own. Not just the 'lah', 'ka' or 'mah'. I'm talking about the whole new grammar structure, new vocabulary and a whole new way of speaking the Queen's language.

No more long winded and time consuming conversations. The English language is now concise, efficient and sends the right message all the time. Here are some examples that may help you with your England.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) Can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians: Don’t want la…

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that one….

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn’t the way to do it, here let me show you.
Malaysians: Like that also don’t know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me.
Malaysians: Celaka U

Remember, practice makes perfect class. Practice your England.

-Live Long & Prosper

5 comments:

adrien said...

when declining an offer = when strictly rejecting something to be shoved

DON'T WANT LA!!!

William said...

Lidis also can ah?

-C said...

...
I'm sorry, I just can't do it.

Go ahead. Deport me.

Janvier said...

Heh. And mrbrown did a similar podcast some time back - waaay near the bottom of our playlist...

Brits: "Oh no! What are we going to do? What simply can be done to rectify the situation?" (or something along the lines)

Singlish: "So how now?"

Queer Ranter said...

Adrien: Want la... I know you want one. :P

William: Ya lo ya lo. Lidis also can. Hehhehe.

C: Msia or not ah?

Janvier: Hehhee. Mr Brown from Mind Your Language? :P