D-Day

First date was AWSOME. Ok, report time. Sigh soo many "38" people. Heheheh kidding, thanks for reading. Now where to start... It was 3.00 PM when I started to get dressed. Wore my fabulous black shirt, my favourite Seed jeans (My jeans kept falling below my hips and threatened to fall all the way down...) and my accessories. I waited till it was 3.30 PM and started walking to the LRT station. (10 minutes walk.) It was soo freaking humid and I was sweat inglike a hog. Got to the station in one piece but was drenched in sweat. Sigh. I was soo worried that my shirt would show sweat marks. You know the white stain due to the salt residue on the shirt but thank goodness it did not.

Took the train 10 minutes to reach KLCC so I had ample time to get his pressie and cake. I decided to get him a tie from Topman. I went straight into Topman and saw this fabulous diagonal stripes, brown tie. (They got soo many new ties which I fell in love with. I'm definately going back there to get my ties.) Beautiful tie, I fell in love with it right there and then. I bought it and went to Memory Lane to get it wrapped. Then I went to Sun Moulin and got a small chocolate moist cake together with a candle. Funny, in the receipt it is called Valentine cake... Alright all set. With some time left to spare, I went into Philosphy to have a look at the new collection. Nothing new really.

Just as I went out of Philosphy, Mc Dave smsed asking where to meet. He said he had to go to Kinokuniya so we decided there. Being a punctual freak that I am, I walked super fast to Kinokuniya but it was closed. I waited for him in front of Kinokuniya for like 10 minutes but he did not show up. I was looking around for a familiar face or hair. I saw one, wearing pink shirt and highlighted blond hair, walking out of the toilet but hesitated to leave Kinokuniya. So I smsed him and asked where he was. He said he was in Isetan, Stationery Department and was playing hide and seek with me... Boys... Sigh... I literally ran to Isetan and on the way down the escalator, I saw a same pink shirt. Ahah, got ya you bugger. He kept laughing cause apparently, he did walk past behind me at Kinokuniya...

So we went to Kim Gary's for dinner, I was starving... He made me run here and there... The conversation did not immediately took off and his phone kept ringing. I was rather annoyed with him talking on the phone to plan for tomorrow's outing with his sis and friends... I was also irritated with him for teasing me about me being "Banana". Geez man but I kept my cool. His calls finally ended and we were chatting about his family and my family and lots of other stuff. At least, now I know a little more about him. Kim Gary's was getting crowded and freezing too so he paid the bill and we left for the park for a walk.

The romantic walk did not happen cause it was freaking raining... Bloody hell. I sugested to go to KL Convention Center to have a look and he agreed. There was a book fair (Chinese book fair really.) but we did not go in immediately cause he did not want me to pay the entrance fee. (Cause I am a banana so not worth paying to look at books I don't understand...) After 8.00 PM was free entry. By this time, the rain somewhat stopped, so we took a short walk in the park and sat in one of the gondolas. There I gave him his pressie and he absolutely loved it. Phew... I was worried he was not a brown person. :) Then came the cake and he was suprised again. First the pressie and now CAKE?! He got even more excited when he saw me taking a candle out but he looked at me and said, "But got no lighter oh." I gave him a glaring stare and said, "You think I did not come here prepare meh?" as I took a lighter out of my pocket, stuck the candle into the cake and lit it with the lighter while singing "Happy Birthday" in Chinese. Bah, thought I couldn't speak Chinese did you. Sooo stereotypical... We did not eat the cake there cause it was so humid, we could not stand it and we went back into the book fair. we went round looking at books, chated away and left. Nothing much happened in there.

We left the book fair at about 9.00 PM and headed for the LRT cause he had to catch a bus back from Pasar Seni. We walked to KL City Center and while walking, he gave me a neck rub. It felt soo good and as usual, I almost moaned aloud. I am such a weakling when it comes to massages and super kawaii things. So sweet of him to give me a neck rub. I followed him to Pasar Seni and we talked a little more there to plan for our second date. Heheh. It is going to be Wednesday next week and it is going to be a movie outing. (From the sms he sent me, I don't think I'll be paying much attention to the movie. Hmmm. We'll see what happens.) Before we parted, we hugged each other briefly. He would have kissed me but we were in public or so he says la. I couldn't care less if we were in public or not. :P

So there, my first date ever. (Yes this is my first date even though I was in a relationship previously. We skipped the dating part the last time.) So I really enjoyed myself being around him and planning for the mini birthday suprise. It felt good giving someone a great time. I am soo looking forward to the movie outing. :)

-Live Long & Prosper

Plan Of Attack

25 hours till D-Day and the plan will be in motion tomorrow. We agreed to meet in Avenue K at 5.00 PM. This gives me ample time to get him his pressie. I will either get him something from Philosophy or my new addiction, scented candles. Heheh. He needs to destress at home after work. His boss is being a pain in the arse. Poor baby. I am also going to Sun Moulin to get pastry, a little tiny cake and a candle. Hehehhe.

We plan to have dinner in Kim Gary's, my absolutely favourite place to eat. (I'm a Kim Gary's junkie.) I will give him his pressie during dinner and his little cake with a candle. Heheheh. I guess I shall get him a stalk of flower too. Wonder what flower does he like. I love one stalk of flower instead of a bunch. More romantic and meaningful I feel.

After dinner, he wants to have a walk in KLCC park. Oh such a romantic place to go for a walk at night. The water fountains dancing away, a small jungle in a growing urban jungle and the quietness of the night. I really hope his the holding hands and kissing type. Maybe not kiss in the park la. Ah, I don't want to think about it. Whatever happens, happens.

I know what I'm going to wear. My black shirt~~~ I absolutely adore my fabulous black shirt and pair that with my favourite Seed jeans together with a neck piece and a bracelet. Hmmm. What should I wear underneath though... I think black thong will do nicely. Oh the thought of it is making me all excited. Huhuhuh.

-Live Long & Prosper

Lazy Day

It is soo nice to finally able to sleep in my own room at anytime of the day I want. No stupid sun to wake me up with its extremely blinding light. A blessing of having a room that has no direct access to the outside world but it is also a curse. I have been sleeping till 11.00 AM today and slept again at 1.00 PM till 5.00 PM... Huhuhuh. I guess my body was recuperating from yesterday's spring cleaning. :P I love what my mom got me for breakfast. Bak Chang~~~ Along with my favourite milk.

I wasn't really sleeping in the afternoon. I was smsing Mc Dave but I felt asleep and ignored his sms. Sorry dear... Then he sent me another message and I woke up. Replied his sms but he told me go to sleep since I was soo tired. My knight... I guess since I'm in KL now, I can call him later at night. I miss talking with him and hearing his voice. Two more days till D-Day.

I just realised I did not blog about my hidden stash of condoms and lubricants. Hehehe. Previously, I kept them a cigar box but now I transferred them into a tin box, a very fancy Japanese tin box. It used to be in the bottom drawer of my cabinet but since I had to make space for my bed, the bottom drawer is no longer accessible. Now I just put it in the cabinet in plain sight. Wonder if mom or dad might be curious and open it. I don't want the same incident to happen again where my mom found my kinky pouch underwear. She did not talk to me about it though but she just put it together with my other underwear. Heheheh. Wonder how she would reach if she found my two pairs of thongs...

I am going to watch EatOut now and drool over Ryan Carnes. Heheheh. Thanks Alex. :P Now you'll have to share him with me. Meheheheh. As Stanford in Sex And The City said, "Greedy greedy greedy.".

-Live Long & Prosper

Gayest Time Travel Ever

Something my friend found on the net.



-Live Long & Prosper

Room Renovation

Day one of holiday and what did I do? I woke up at noon. Muahaha. Mc Dave woke me up with his sweet morning sms. (Melt.) Well maybe its partly because my room is like a cave. Its located in the middle of the house and my window connects to the washing area and then out. So no literally no sunlight can come into the room. Its always dark and cool. Me like. (More reasons to cuddle in my room when he is over here.)

Out of the blue, my parents decided to get me a bed. There was this furniture outlet that was having a clearance sale I think. I got my single, wooden frame bed for RM99. Looks nice and its low. I like low, so that I can roll down to the floor and not have a painful fall when I and Mc Dave *ahem ahem. (Like that's going to happen soon.) Before I can assemble the bed, I had to clean the entire room. Sort through wanted and unwanted stuff. I had like tons of unwanted books. Threw them out and rearange the room and looks spacious now. I need to repaint the room. What colour screams GAY I wonder? Purple? Pink?

Then after buying the bed, we drove to KLCC and went into G2000. (I did not know its from Hong Kong. Is it?) Heaven, I'm in heaven~~~ I got meself 3 stripe shirts. Me like. I love the pink one soo much and the white is stunning and it comes with a pair of cufflinks. Never had cufflinks before. I like the blue cause it looks classic and I could use a bit more blue in my closet. Now I have to get ties and pants. (Hint hint.) And perhaps shoes. Hmmm. In due time. Teddy is such an attention hogger...

So that was day one.

-Live Long & Prosper

12 Hours Countdown

12 hours more and I will be back home. Ah... Home sweet home. I am busy packing my stuff in my room. (Have not slept yet. Don't think I plan to.) Come to think of it, I don't really have that much stuff anyways. It has gotten less I think but I'll know later once I am done packing. But it is going to be a bitch hauling all my things down from the third floor... I could really use those hunky mover guys tomorrow. :P

Last night's outing was really fun. We went out to Ipoh to have dinner but it was a disappointment to me and I think the place highly overrated. This place was featured in newspapers several times but when we got there, it was just dead and the fish with lemon sauce I ordered was just pathetic... The fish tasted a little fishy and the portion was like tiny. Maybe they are known for their breakfast or lunch but I know I am not going back there for dinner.

Then, we went to Jaya Jusco, (The only happening place in Ipoh.) for Coffee Bean and I was just curious about the G2000 sale. KKK spotterd a shirt that she wants to get for her bf and I really want to get too. Its white in colour with diagonal pin stripe lines. The lines are apart of the fabric itself. RM140!!! There is a 30% discount so I guess that's not so bad if I'm getting it. Just as we were about to leave JJ, it was raining heavily. We could not go to the car so decided to go for bowling. It was hilarious. I played horribly cause I only scored 101. (Second highest. Highest is 104. Guess I'm not the only bad player. :P) Huhuhuh. Dem sad. I blame it on the lanes and the balls. :P

After a game, we were famish and drove to hacker center to eat supper. I had my first plate of char koew tiow in months with fried cockles. Yum yum. For some reason, we were talking about how the characters and spellings of Chinese words. Hehehe, we sounded like a bunch of nerd or something. We spent about an hour or so there chatting away. It was really awsome.

Break time is over. Back to packing.

-Live Long & Prosper

Finals Part V

Ah... Bach has never sounded this good and tuna with bread is just heavenly. Yum yum. I just finished my last paper~~~ Woot woot~~~ I am soo relieved. I was studying for this freaking paper to the point that jumping out my window (I live in the top floor mind you.) seemed like a fun idea. Hehheh, just an exaggeration. I would not consider committing suicide just for that if ever. Imagine the amount of guys I have not violated and won't be able to after I'm dead. :P But I was literally dying studying for it cause the past year paper was soo tough. Oh well, its all over and done with. Time for endless game of DOTA and uninterrupted gay porn screening~~~

My faghags and I are going to Ipoh tonight. I think we're going bowling and stuff. No idea really. Dunno don't care, as long as we go out. Heheh. Though I need to conserve money for David's birthday pressie and outings with friends and bloggers~~~

This holiday is going to be an evenful one for me. I am going to Melaka on the 8th next month, curtesy of MrBunnyBan. Gonna go to Melaka and eat till I drop. Heheheh. Dem have to watch my waist. (See la you Alex. Keep reminding me about it. Now it just automatically rings even with you NOT AROUND.) I want to eat Satay Celup, go to Jonker street to eat all the desserts, laksa and whatnot. If there's an oportunity, chicken balls rice also. I mean chicken rice balls. :P Oh and Dr. Paul, if you're reading, I would like to meet you too (And Big Bicep Barry?) if you're free while I'm there.

Going to spend as much time with Mc Dave this holiday and I hope things do workout between us. I guess I'll know when I meet him. Oooo... Can't wait. One more week, one more week~~~ I'm praying that he is not the shy person when I meet him, scared I might overwhelm him with my not so shy attitude. :P (Malu, rugi ma.)

Alex and Scott, you're required to go jalan-jalan with me when you're in KL. I can sense if you're in KL. You can't escape from me in my turf! Meheheheh. Perhaps we can have a Pink Blogger outing. Hehehhe. Oh and thanks for riding my arse to make me study for my exams. :P Now that its over, my arse is all alone. :(

Ah need to get soo many things this holiday. I think I'm going to wring my dad dry. Hehehhe. Need to get a suit from G2000. Saw one really wicked suit that day. Hope its still there. Not to mention shirts, ties and pants from there too for my internship. It pays to look good. :) Where art thou MegaSale~~~

-Live Long & Prosper

Insomnia Again?

Good morning everyone. It is 6.30 AM and what am I doing? I'm awake... I have been awake since 5.00 AM. I swear, with this bizzard sleeping pattern, I am going to be sick. Have to take lots of supplements to prevent flu and cough that seems to be spreading in my examination halls. Poor friend of mine is sick with serious sinus infection. He is bleeding out blood and puss through his nose, not a pretty sight. At least the exams are finishing so he can get rid of the sinus infection soon.

So I did some studying, well, more like flipped through the pages and looking at the Post-It Notes that I use to highlight the important points. I don't like to scribble my books. I like my books clean and pristine so the solution I thought of was Post-It Notes. The most ingenious invention by 3M. Gotta love 3M for that and thanks to them, my books looked as thought I have never opened them. People might think I never study but then again, since when do I care about what people think. :P

Can't believe I have to start packing my stuff tomorrow. Every semester break, we are required to vacate our room. Rather annoying and stupid really. I don't see why we can't leave some of our things behind cause it's not like they clean the rooms anyways. So my parents will drive up here and haul all my stuff into the car and drive back to KL. Exhausting process considering the amount of things I have in my room. I can't seem to cut down on the things I need to bring to campus. Everything I have here, I use them. I have no idea how some people survive with so few things.

One more week till Mc Dave's birthday and six more days till I meet him. I still have not gotten him anything for his birthday yet. I need to go to Philosophy and I do hope they have new collection out by then. I don't suppose they have a website? Oh I soo need a haircut. I need a new look but I have no idea what look I want to have. Know any good hairdressers around KL? (Of course with resonable price. I don't grow money on trees. Perhaps I should tap into my parent's resources. Hmmm...) I think its time for me to get professional hair treatment.

I wonder, should I be mean and give Mc Dave a wake up call now? Hehehhe. I think not. Oh well. Going to see what else I can do at this hour.

-Live Long & Prosper

Farewell For Now

They say that time flies and it really does fly. With my last paper this Friday, I am very anxious to finish it and start my holiday. In a blink of an eye, I am finishing my two years of my four years degree programme. Another blink of an eye, I will finish my four years degree programme and will be looking for employment. So time flies whether I like it or not. Time waits for no one.

After my lunch this afternoon, I went to "The Rainbow Room" (Alex's and Xavier's room) but only Xavier was there and Alex was showering. Xavier was suprised to see me there. He said that they were about to leave for KL and most likely I won't be seeing them before I leave for the holiday. I was stunned and my mind just went blank. I totally forgotten about it. They did mentioned it to me yesterday but I lost track of the day. My heart sank and hit rock bottom. I felt sad right away. So I sat down on Alex's chair and watched as Xavier scurried around to do last minute packing.

Then Alex came into the room from shower. He too was suprised to see me there. It made me even sadder when he walked into the room because soon he will have to go too. He dried himself and hurriedly did last minute packing. I just sat on the chair and watched. I am going to miss this room, "The Rainbow Room". For the next two months, there won't be hanging out in "The Rainbow Room" or spontaneous visitations from them to my room or having meals together.

Then the time came for them to leave. Xavier left the room first because he had to sort things out in his car. I gave him a hug before he left the room. Time stopped momentarily and I could feel my heart pumping tardily. Soon after that, Alex had to go too. I gave him a hug too. It was almost unbearable for me to hold my tears back. It push my ability to maintain a facade of cheery face to its limit. We parted and said our goodbyes and I walked back to my room alone and melancholic. It was the longest walk to my room.

To Alex and Xavier,

For the past month, you guys gave me a sense of belonging that I have been searching for my entire life. Even though it was just a month, it felt like a lifetime to me. I had a great and fun time knowing you guys. This period of time used to be a miserable time for me with the exam stress and feeling of being alone but its different this time. You guys help eased some of my problems that arose and eased my stress level. I thank you both for that and many other things as well. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I always have.

With love,
Defiant85

I know this is a super emotional post but I can't help it these days. I get emotional really easy and I need an outlet. At least I have my blog to express them.

-Live Long & Prosper

Finals Part IV

Yea~~~ Second last paper down. Did not go as well as the previous papers but it was alright. Hardest paper yet but did not go disastrously. Managed to answer all the questions required. Have to wait till the results come out to see how I fare.

This morning was rather weird. I actually got up on time when my alarm rang. (My alarm is my phone and it plays Mortal Combat.) I had a burst of energy all of a sudden, out of no where. I guess its a good start but now I am tired, sleepy and drained. I think I should sleep soon then study for the next paper tonight.

I think I am being mean to Mc Dave. Heheheh. I called him at 8.30 AM thinking that he would be awake since he has class today. So I called and I woke him up. Huhuhuh. Bad bad me. But at least I got to hear his voice when he was waking up. He sounded soo cute with the groggy and dazed voice. Hehehe.

-Live Long & Prosper

Little Gayeties

This happens almost every night in my hostel room. (Not orgies, golden showers or circle jerks you perverts. :P) My roomie and I will either bitch about people, make silly sounds, or we will be creative and edit things to suit our approval. We have done many editing in the past and this is our recent master piece.

Ghost Whisperer Intro

Hi. My name is Melinda Gordon. I just got married. I just moved to a small town. I just opened an antique shop. I might be just like you. Except from the time I was a little girl I knew I could talk to the dead. Earthbound spirits my grandmother called them. The ones who have not crossed over because they have unfinished business with the living and they come to me for help. To tell you my story, I have to tell you theirs.

Gay Whisperer Intro

Hi. My name is Defiant 85. I just discovered I'm gay. I just started out my tertiary education. I just found some gay friends. I might be just like you. Except from the time I was a little boy I knew I can spot a potential gay. In transition souls I called them. The ones who have yet to accept they are gay because they are in denial or confused and I go to them to free them to the Gay World. To tell you my story, I have to tell you theirs.

-Live Long & Prosper

Finals Part III

Woot woot~~~ Third paper down, two more to go. Paper went well so I'm happy about that and I hope I can get an A for that paper. (Worth my back ache and sleepless night.) Though I still feel tired from the lack of sleep but for some reason, I can't sleep. Tired but not sleepy... My biological clock is all messed up now. Sigh. Weird things keep happening during exam week...

My back still aches like a bitch. I feel like pulling my back bone out and manually straighten them myself with my barehands and put them back in brand new. I was suppose to recuperate from it last night with sleep but thanks to certain ragging circumstances, I did not get my sleep. The guy next door, who was talking so loudly, (I was so tempted to yell, "Shut the fuck up and go to sleep.".) only slept at 4.50 AM... I managed to sleep at 5.00 AM and woke up at 7.30 AM.

Last night I asked Mc Dave if he could give me a wake up call if he gets up at 7.30 AM but he only gets up at 8.00 AM plus so I told him its ok. To my suprise, at 7.30 AM he called~~~ He called me... He called me... Well, miss called me till I picked up the phone. Ah soo sweet of him. Despite being sick, he got up early and called me. I feel bad cause I think he really needed his rest for him to get well from his sorethroat and he works today too. I still could not believed it. My knight in shinning armor.

-Live Long & Prosper

Insomnia?

Ever had one of those night that you can't sleep? Well I'm having it right now. It's 3.40 AM, I'm still wide awake and I have my exam paper tomorrow morning at 9.00 AM. Wonderful. The neighbours did not help in my efforts of trying desperately to sleep. One was talking so freaking loud, another kept laughing like a hyena and the African students were celebrating something. (Do they think they are still in Africa? Hello?! Get in-sync with OUR timezone.)

So what had I been doing besides tossing and turning in bed whilst humming to Bach? Well, I was tossing and turning in bed whilst humming to Bach. (To be specific, I was humming to Sonata No. 2 - Andante. Thanks a lot Alex. :P) Once I was bored of doing that, which took about two hours, I decided to surf the net. I was searching for pictures of beautiful men to put in my new entry. Took me almost forever to find this one.

When I was searching for the pictures, I stumbled upon a website, Learn Chinese Through Music. Curiousity got the best of me again so I clicked it and they had tons of Chinese songs with English translation and Ping Yin to go with it. Awsome, now I can start learning Chinese. Hehehe. I was singing (Silently. Roomie sleeping, I think.) to Lee Hom mostly, Yi Shou Jian Dan De Ge and Forever Love. Finally I can almost fully understand the meaning of the songs, though the English translation was a little inaccurate.

While I was tossing and turning in bed whilst humming to Bach, I was seriously thinking of learning to play violin. I had been thinking about it ever since I finished my SPM (O Level equivalent.) and I did pester my parents about it but they did not give me a reply to it. (More like ignored my request like they usually do.) And in the years since then, it had been in my mind to take up violin. I think I should speak to Alex about it to see if I really want to learn violin, not just a phase I maybe going through. I really really want to learn violin. I want to be able to play a musical instrument and I chose the violin for its beauty and elegance of the sounds it makes with every pluck of the strings or every draw of the bow across the strings. Seeing and listening to Alex play his violin made me envious. He had the oportunity of learning it after his SPM.

I shall now attempt to sleep. Good morning yall.

-Live Long & Prosper

I Need A Massage...

Studying is taking a toll on my body. My poor fragile body, especially my shoulders. Sitting down and staring at the books for hours stiffens my shoulder muscles... It gets worse (Worse as in I get a sneak preview of a long awaited, overdue massage.) when my housemates, two of them who can give really, really good massages, come into my room and give me a little shoulder massage. It's like a greeting or something, I don't know but its one heck of a massage. I just wish they would just massage me for a longer period or give me a full body massage. They really hit the spot where their thumbs would press onto the shoulder blades and push the muscle upwards. I swear, everytime they do that, I would close my eyes and silently moan. Not even TFK (Masturbate for those who are not familiar with the term.) can give such moaning effect. Know anywhere with good full body massage?

Had a real hard time waking up this morning. Must have been one of those lazy mornings. It was almost noon and I just could not wake up. Thank goodness for Mc Dave, he messaged me good morning. Sweet of him to do so. Poor guy lost his voice while travelling up North and he had to work today as well. Difficult being student/employee but at least his earning money and experience compared to a fulltime student. Oh well. You lose some, you take some.

Spent the day locked-up in the room and studying aimlessly. Not sure what to study really. I think I shall just do tutorial questions just to refresh. I can't read anymore facts again and again. Gonna puke if I do. Three more papers to go and I'll be home free~~~

-Live Long & Prosper

Placid Day

The day went by with no significant events occuring. Had a paper this morning at 11. It was PRS. (Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya.) Does not really matter to my pointer really cause it's just pass or fail subject. So that was that this morning.

Had lunch, watched House MD. episode 223, surfed the net and chatted with Alex. He was about to have his lunch alone but I decided since I did not feel like studying, why not just accompany him. So I did, he ate his lunch then we headed to his room. We were chatting along, watched some stuff and listened to Bach. Took him long enough to take out his violin. He did a little performance for me and me alone~~~ It was soo beautiful. So sweet of him to do so. Reminded me of wanting to learn the violin too. I should bug my parents again this holiday. So the pic of Ryan Carnes is dedicated for you for serenading me in your room. (And everyone else to ogle at. :P)

Been messaging Mc Dave too. Poor guy is sick but he has to go to work. Sigh. Wish I am there with him to "nurse" him to health. Perhaps that is why his messages have been quite mischievous. One week plus to go till I get to meet him. Woot woot.

-Live Long & Prosper

Culinary Epiphany

I was having my lunch outside my campus today. (Saw Alex and Xavier again. I swear they're stalking me. Anyways, that's not the epiphany I am going to talk about.) I had Chinese food for lunch, tofu, vege and Siew Yok. Dem nice Siew Yok too but pity I can't eat the fatty part. Have to watch my waist as Alex constantly reminding me about it. Then it hit me, Chinese food makes me sleepy. I know you'll say it's all in my head but it isn't. It really does makes me sleepy. Even now as I am writing this entry, my eyes are collapsing and my mind is venturing into Slumbler Land. I drank a cup of coffee just now but it's not working... How am I to study?!

I started thinking of other food that makes me sleepy. Indian food makes me sleepy anytime of the day. Whether for lunch or mamak, it always puts me to sleep. Perhaps it's the carbo induced sleepiness or fat induced sleepiness. I don't know. Perhaps that is India's secret plot to conquer the WORLD~~~ Put everyone to sleep with Chicken Masala and Chutney and march right into every major city in the WORLD~~~

However, Malay food just fills my stomach. No adverse side effects or anything unless of course the dish itself becomes a hangout joint for flies and other pests. Malay food tend to invite these bugs more so compared to Chinese and Indian food. Hmmm... Maybe that's why it's oh sooo delicious? I love love love Tempoyak Durian and ulam and sambal belacan. Yum yum yum.

I can eat Wang Lee Hom anytime, anywhere. He is just sooo delicious. And waiter, I would like my Wang Lee Hom rare, thank you.

-Live Long & Prosper

Finals Part II

Today was a good day. It rained in the morning so it was chilly and windy but this weather only made the waking up process almost impossible. If it was not for my Probability & Statistics paper, I think I would have just slept through the whole morning. The exam went well and I am glad because I studied really hard for this paper too but I could not do half a question. Darn you probability. So I lost 10 marks there but I think I can get perfect score for the rest of the questions. (Cross fingers.)

I feel sorry for Mc Dave. Remember I said he followed a friend of his up North to accompany him? Well it turned out that his friend, let's call him Mr. Asshole. So Mr. Asshole was practically being an ass while Mc Dave was there. He was not attentive nor caring for Mc Dave. What the hell?! Someone accompanies you, you put him first priority. You do not just go out and leave your friend behind in the hotel all alone. Poor baby.

I had two guests in my room today. They were Alex and Xavier!!! Soo nice of them to drop by, well they kinda self-invited themselves. (Tsk tsk. Tak tau malu.) No la, kidding only yea. Hehehhe. But my room was like a total mess, books were everywhere, my bed was untidy compared to the modeled "Rainbow Room" of theirs and I had a huge pile of laundry waiting to be washed. I guessed they did not mind it. We were chatting away with my other two guy friends and were making jokes, dirty jokes, talked about plans for the future as engineers and all. I like to call it, "Mini Queer Forum". It was a great time having you guys over here and I really appreciate it. We should do it more often. (Hint hint.)

-Live Long & Prosper

Tired. Oh So Tired...

I'm so tired right now. I'm struggling to persevere and study for my exams like everyone else. But that should not be my motivation for studying is it? A person is doing it does not mean I have to do it. I should do it because I want to.

There is a battle going on in me of what I want. My heart wants everything to stop but my mind wants to go on. Alex sent me a song titled, "The Heart Asks For Pleasure First" and a poem with the same title by Emily Dickinson awhile back. The poem goes like this:

The heart asks pleasure first
And then, excuse from pain-
And then, those little anodynes
That deaden suffering;

And then, to go to sleep;
And then, if it should be
The will of its Inquisitor,
The liberty to die.

It is soo easy to quit but if I quit now, what will I do in the future? Who will payback the scholarship I am under? Day by day, my mind is losing the battle and I am losing grip to the purpose of me studying. I am tired.

The flame in me that kept me going in beginning of the semester is weakening and I am afraid that one day it will just wither away. What will I do then? What will happen to me? How do I go on? I'm just so tired to even think of it.

Just so tired...

-Live Long & Prosper

Finals Part I

I just had my first paper of my exams which was Separation Process II and it went well. Everything she thought us came out for the final, no suprises or anything like that. I'm really happy for that cause this paper is 4 credit hours! Now that it's out of the way, I can slowly feel my brain but I felt like puking after the exam cause I was literally puking whatever that was in my brain but it's like a hollow shell. Huhuhuh. Guess I'll have to fill it up with stuff for the next paper. But now, rest~~~

Mc Dicky replied my message last night. Heheheh. Jolly jolly joy joy. But Friendster is screwed. I could not open the message~~~ No~~~ Sigh. So I, till now, have no idea what the content of the message is. Arrrg. Annoying...

During lunch just now, Mc Dicky came down from his room to the cafe. I saw him and he was walking to the grocery store at the cafe. Hehehhe. My friends were all urging me to go into the store as well and so I did. I bought myself a second bottle of yogurt drink (Deliberately of course.) and I saw him there. I said hi and he called out me name~~~ My name~~~ Now he knows my name~~~ Hehhehe. We chatted but briefly cause he had to go somewhere. Study perhaps... Oh well.

Mc Dave is such a sweet guy~~~ He just messaged me asking how my exams went. I told him all was well but the point is, he messaged me. He is such a thoughtful and sweet person. He even knew when is my next paper. (How attentive.) What's more, right now, he's following his friend up North to accompany his friend while his friend settles down for his new job. Such selflessness and self-sacrifice. I like him more and more with each new discoveries of him.

-Live Long & Prosper

A New Hope

Today is going to be my first day of exams and here I am blogging. Actually I was not planning on blogging but something happened. Something huge, something exciting, unfathomed happened. It was Mc Dicky.

I was logging on to Friendster after my roomie and I took the most ridiculous picture of us together. (No nothing kinky but it could have been though. Check it out in my Flickr.) It was a picture of my roomie strangling me with a plastic bag. So I uploaded the picture in Friendster and my Flickr. Then I noticed I had a new message in Friendster. I clicked on the bolded phrase, "New Message." It took forever to load but when it did, I was in awe. I felt as though I was "The Million Dollar Man", I thought... Many things were just flooding my mind. I saw a message from Mc Dicky. It was a smile he sent me and in that smile message, he wrote, "hi..so i finally find out ur name after all the 'hi's' w/o knowing exactly who u were hahhahahaa..anyways..nice to meet u. cheers."

I was literally jumping of my seats in exhilaration. I swear if I jumped anymore, my floor, the top floor, was going to collapse down till the entire building was flattened. My heart could not pump in rhythms. It was pumping soo fast, I felt my body heating up, I was blushing and I was euphoric. I have never been so excited in soo long over something so frivolous.

As part of "Living Life Without Fear", (Or some of you may know it as "Grab Life By The Balls".) I replied his smile message and I wrote this, "Hheheh. Hi. Thanks for the smile. Really needed one. Separation Process II today... All stressed up studying... I guess it's my fault really for not introducing myself when you came by my house. I'm sorry. I always see you packing your food back, not eating in the cafeteria. Perhaps we could have a meal together, start over and I shall formally introduce myself to you before you grad. :P And Good Luck for your exams." Am I really living life without fear or am I just being reckless... (No harm trying right?) I guess we'll find out when he replies. Wish me luck~~~

-Live Long & Prosper

Return of The Adonis

For the past week or so, I have not been seeing Mc Dicky. I have been busy locked up in the room studying (Blogging, chatting, "38" ing as well.) and I am sure he has been busy studying too. To be honest, I have not been thinking about him or anything cause Mc Dave has been keeping my mind occupied with all the sms.

But today, FLS messaged me this morning of great news. She was snooping around in Friendster last night (Weren't you suppose to be studying?) and found Mc Dicky's profile. Muahaha. Finally found you Mc Dicky. So I demanded from FLS to give me his link and she did. Checked-out his profile, his pictures and all the things you can find in Friendster. Huhuhuh. Pictures of him. (*droool) Hehehe. I feeling so high~~~ I guess now I have to share my eye-candy with FLS and QH. Sigh. The first time I saw Mc Dicky, I deliberately left out the part of him being a musican when I was describing him to FLS because I know she has a "thing" for musicans. But with his Friendster profile, she now knows he is a musician. (Greedy, greedy, greedy.) And QH is just being greedy too. Mehehehe.

Knowing how shameless I am these days, I just added him into my friend's list. Thank goodness I have housemates who knows him so I can add him without hassle and I guess it would not look too weird when he sees me trying to add him. Or would it? Yikes. I sound like a serial stalker...

-Live Long & Prosper

Happy Mother's Day

Today, I found out a little more about Mc Dave. I found out how sweet and thoughtful son he is to his mother. Today as we all know in Malaysia is Mother's Day. He called his mom, like every other sons and daughters should do and he gave his mom a little suprise. He somehow got a dozen of flowers sent to his mom. How sweet is that! Mind you, his family is in Sabah and he is here in Peninsular. From what I gather, he and his mom are really closely knit. He calls his mom every week once and tell her of the week's events and happenings. But she does not know of his sexual orientation.

Me on the other hand, am not close to my mom or dad. We are very detached. I don't know what is going on at their end nor do they know what is going on at my end. Very twisted kind of relationship I'd say. What is the cause of this detachment? It started when I was starting out primary school. My dad got a job overseas and they did not want to bring me along. Therefore, they left me in the care of my aunt and uncle. Surfice to say, I was not thrill with decision. I did not have a say really. But it had to be done. I can think of soo many other options but they decided this was the best. (Right.)

I remember running to the gate screaming at them to come back the day they left me at my aunt's. I remember not sleeping or eating for few days, demanding that my parents take me with them. It was a traumatic experience and no kid on Earth should have gone through what I had gone through. The hate for them did not sparked then, it grew in me as the years went by. There was this incident in school when I was in Primary Four, I suddenly broke down and cried before assembly started. All my friends were puzzled as to why the sudden outburst. I was missing my parents terribly. I just cleaned up and proceeded with the assembly. With my parents overseas, they were not involved with my schooling life. This went on till today. Many achievements I made, were celebrated by me and me only.

Another incident where I screamed at my mom, at the verge of actually hit her, was when I received my PMR results. I almost had straight A's. I was so excited and happy about it. (I did not get an A for stupid Bahasa Malaysia.) We were having dinner when my mom was saying something about my results but the word "fail" came out of her mouth. I did not know what she was talking about but I remember screaming, "I did not FAIL. I almost got all A's bla bla bla...". I threw my dinner plate away and kept on screaming. I ran into my room and just cried there. One good thing that came out of it was that they do not pressure me when it comes to education anymore. But my hatred towards them grew.

I could only wish to have the son and parents relationship that Mc Dave has with his parents. It is too late for me to forgive my parents for what they have done. These days, I just do not bother about it. All I will do now is that, I will do my end of the bargain as a child. I will finish up my education and will not depend on them in the future. So to everyone who is reading, treasure your family for there are worst things that could happen in your family and mine is one of the example of how bad things can get.

Lastly, Happy Mother's Day mother.

-Live Long & Prosper

Beautiful Morning

Another perfect morning today. The weather was nice, snuggling in my comforter, keeping the warmth in and little Teddy sitting down ever so quietly observing the drama life of mine. But that was not the reason as to why the morning was perfect. Mc Dave sms me good morning. The message was, "Naughty little lion wake up liao o not on this Saturday morning? Wake up lo... Study study and study o..." A little glimpse to everyone of the kind of person he is. He is Chinese. (There hint number 2 or so. I can't keep track.)

It was almost as good as having someone sleeping next to me. I guess I'll have to make do with the sms. I thought it was really sweet of him. Must had known that I was still asleep cause I did not message him good morning. The message went on and on and on. We were not talking about the weather either. (Morning glory only blooms in the morning.) And everything went in a huge bang. Bang bang bang. And bang bang bang some more. Like Hiroshima went kabooom again and again and 4th of July going on at the same time. My very first sms experience and it was very very evoking. It brought forth my inner fire. (A blogger actually fainted reading this line. Too much for him to handle I guess. You know who you are. :P)

Oh and everything is set for the first meeting with Mc Dave. Sorted it out yesterday. I am going to meet him after his test for dinner. We can only have dinner together as he lives in Shah Alam and we are meeting in KL. Sigh. Why soo far? Both our places have occupants in it. Double sigh. Hopefully the next day after that, we can meet again for his bday celebration. I am still wondering what to get him? I like buying kinky stuff or perhaps I'll get him accessories from Philosophy. Hmmm...

-Live Long & Prosper

Are You Gay?

My housemate came into my room just now and my inbox was showing on the monitor. He read some of the comments sent by some of you regarding the shirt. I think this particular one caught his eyes. "You're wearing long sleeves shirt to see Mc Dave?" I speedily minimised it but what I did not know was that the comment window was up behind my inbox and he saw that too. So he just looked at me and said, "Are you gay?". I must admit, he is the first guy to ask me that question. I was taken back with that question thrown at me while I am in the midst of studying. (Equations were popping out in my head. Can't seemed to find the right equation for this problem.) So I responded, "Hmmm... That is an interesting question." and left it at that. FLS thought that the answer I gave was an obvious, right in your face, "YES I AM GAY.". Hehehe. Perhaps, subconsciously, I wanted to be out with everyone here but that will be suicidal.

Another similar incident occured right after that. I saw a friend of mine online in YM. (He shall be called FT from now on.) So I YM him, "Hi~~~". I was not shocked or anything but he replied, "Gaygaygaygay. Hi~~~". Rather weird. He did mention I looked gay in my pic the last time we chatted. The one with me in my pink shirt sitting with pillows. It's in my Flickr. I wonder if he himself is gay and what prompt him with that response. Hmmm... He is kinda my type too. (OMG... Think Mc Dave, think Mc Dave) No harm looking and probing I guess. Hehehe... So he is a very curious one. If only my Gaydar is properly calibrated to sense these things. Sigh. The price of studying in a far, far away university with no sample to try my Gaydar with.

-Live Long & Prosper

Fairy GodFather?

Last night, my wish upon a star came true~~~ Though it was not the Fairy GodFather that came bearing gift but it was all my faghags (KKK, QH, DSS or Wolveriness, FLS) and not forgetting my two guy friends, AH and my roomie. The picture on the left is the shirt that I was talking about in my previous post.

Apparently, the faghags went to JJ for dinner and did not tell us, guys, that they were going... They told us it was cancelled. Such lie, deceit and deception... (Well I was not plan on going anyways. I just like to have the option to go.) They got the shirt, wrapped it, ate their dinner and came back. Thank goodness it was the only shirt with my size on the shelf. It's size M for those who wants to buy me stuff.

Then later at about 1.00 am or so, they came to my block and asked us to come down to meet them. (Yep. People in campus here don't sleep much.) So we went down and saw them sitting by the drain. We walked towards them and suprise, suprise, a SODA bag!!! Right away I knew it was the shirt I wanted~~~ I was jumping around like the bunny in Little Bunny Hop Hop Hop. Hehehe... I was euphoric, esthetic and just darn happy. Thanks yall~~~

This is my first black shirt. Never did own a black shirt before but then again, I was not into cloths to begin with prior to my self-discovery. But I do have a pink shirt and a maroon shirt. I love my pink shirt so much. It's faded pink and it has vertical stripes which is a part of the fabric itself. It's from G2000 and it goes oh soo nicely with my ex's pink tie from TopShop. (I am thinking of getting that tie for myself. *hint hint.) That was my outfit for a Public Speaking competition and the title I chose was, "Is Malaysia ready for same-sex marriage?". Hehehheh. Quite a statement there. Nothing like teasing them about my sexual orientation.

-Live Long & Prosper

Diurnal / Nocturnal

For the past few days, I have been staying up till almost the crack of dawn, approximately 4.00 am, studying. (Well more like studying, blogging and chatting. Thank goodness for the gift of multitasking.) I like the quietness and the calmness in the wee wee wee hour in the morning and normally wake up at about 10.00 am. (Bloody sun in campus shines so bloody bright. Curtains don't help much.) Typically, I would get up, walk to my computer, sit and read blogs. My cup of coffee to start my day. Oh yes, and message Mc Dave good morning. I love messaging him and he will reply, "Morning Little Lion.". He nicknamed me "Little Lion" and I am still blur as to why "Little Lion". Maybe it has something to do with me flirting with him a lot. (Well not just to him.)

This morning was rather productive. (Productive is a relative term.) I managed to reply emails regarding my upcoming installation for my club, workouted while listening to Podcasts, sorted my laundry, (Dump them into a bag and send it for laundry.) and pampered myself with Nuskin Epoch mud mask. I love my mask sessions. It's so relaxing and maked my skin all nice, smooth and perky. Did not get any studying done cause I prefer to study later in the day or at night/morning. So these days, I am nocturnal and diurnal person. I wonder if my biological clock is all messed up by now.

There is this shirt I really, really, really, really want~~~ I have not been thinking about that shirt since Saturday. (The day I saw the shirt in Jaya Jusco.) It's black, long-sleeves, light and comfy material and it has black fine lines from Soda. The lines are a part of the fabric. It was love at first sight~~~ But it costs Rm100... I don't have that amount of money. If I get the shirt, I don't think I will have the money to go to Melaka for food frenzy fiesta and meeting bloggers there. Arrrg. Perhaps I should tap into untapped monetary resources, mom and dad. Hmmm... Or should I wish upon a star and hope that my Fairy GodFather will come and deliver the shirt to me? Oh Fairy GodFather, where art thou?

There was this song that Alex sent me yesterday and it's soo addictive. (It seems that anything you give me will effect in me being addicted to it. I think I should keep my distance from you. :P) The song is called Little Bunny Hop Hop. MyBunnyBan has it too and he blogged it. It's really, really funny. From what I can tell it's about the life of bunnies or something related to bunnies. Heheheh. Go bug Alex, MrBunnyBan or me for it. You will not be disappointed.

I love listening to the two Podcasts I have linked here in my blog, Ongline and JAPodCast. There is something about listening to a guy rambling and talking to himself about random topic. Heheheh. Yes, I am a very "38" person by nature. Ongline is just funny in his own way (Loves to curse "Oh puki" when something happens.) and JAPodcast is a 15/16 year old queer guy talking about his day. Just imagine blogging with voice. That is what it is.

-Live Long & Prosper

Antemeridian Occurrences

My mornings are getting more and more interesting with each passing day. This morning I was thinking of Mc Dave again. I actually got up at 7.15 am this morning (Unwillingly of course but it was instinctive.) despite sleeping at 4.00 am and smsed him good luck for his test. Then, I went back to sleep. I got up at around 11.00 am feeling rather lazy so I let my mind wander. Needless to say, it wandered to Mc Dave.

I am sure by now, everyone knows I got a thing for Mc Dave. (I have no idea why. Never met the guy before but I really like him.) I wonder if the feeling is mutual. We sms each other daily (For a month and a half now.) and all but there is only so much I can tell from sms. There are no emotions in a sms and no facial expressions. That is why I am really looking forward to this holiday. I will be able to meet him for the first time. There is still so much I do not know about him. I need to see him and speak to him to be able to know his character. I hate not being in "The Know". His birthday is coming, wonder what to get him...

Since my mid semester break, (The same time Mc Dave and I have been contacting each other.) there is this guy, Bard, gave me his number in Axcest. Curiousity got the best of me and I contacted him. This guy was basically saying how much he wanted me and loved me. (It was 10 minutes into the conversation too. What a freak.) I was like, I don't even know you and you don't know me. So how the hell do you love me?! Till this day, he sends sms to me, every now and then. Such annoyance. I just ignore it. (But still. The space his sms took could is reserved for Mc Dave's.) I got one sms from him today, asking me to met him when I am in KL. I replied, "Sorry. I'm seeing someone." This better get into his numb-skull and leave me alone.

I had a very interesting chatting session with SP (My ex-boyfriend.) this morning as well. It seems that he is still wounded from the breakup. The breakup has been for a month now. Guess I better give him his space until he is completely recovered. I feel sorry for being such a lousy boyfriend to him when we were together. (Though he said I was great. I did all I could for him but I guess there were somethings lacking in me which I am improving now.) As you can tell, I am rather inexperience when it comes to relationships but I am learning. I learnt something really valuable and I think if I knew this sooner, SP and I would still be together.

"To love is to empty oneself and enter into the other's world, making all his aspirations, needs and concerns your own, forgetting yourself entirely."

~RA~

-Live Long & Prosper

Emotional Rollercoaster Ride

This morning started me being a little gloomy. Yesterday, I was smsing Mc Dave. (Yes I know. Again. In fact, I checked my inbox and about 80 sms are from him.) He was saying how lonely he was for the pass week or so. I was basically keeping him company and all. Sms... Sms... And more sms. Then it stopped. I smsed him at night before going to bed but no reply as well. I thought I offended him in some way. So I let him be. This morning, I mustered some courage (Whatever that is left of it.) and smsed him. To my relief, he was not offended or anything. He could not replied me last night because of stupid Maxis. (Dumb free bundle sms...)

This morning also as I was heading for my test, Mc Dicky spotted me walking down the stairs. I did not see him as I was lost in my train of thoughts. He said hi to me. (HE SAID HI TO ME~~~) I was jumping for joy upon hearing his voice and the smile. Oh soo cute... Heaven... I'm in heaven... He is my blue sky from the song Blue Skies. I was all charged up for my test. Pity I had to go. I would have so stayed there and chatted with him too.

This morning again, (I know. Everything today seems to happen the moment I get out of bed.) I was browsing YouTube. For some reason, I was searching for something queer, then I stumble upon Queer As Folk Saying Goodbye. I did not know what it. (I have been disconnected from the world of entertainment.) Then when it loaded, the reality of it started to sink into me. Queer As Folk is over. This show practically opened my eyes to the queer world. Everything must come to an end. Here are the links:

• QAF I
• QAF II
• QAF III
• QAF IV
  

I found two Podcasts this morning. (Hehehe. Morning again.) Ongline and JAPodCast. I was listening to Kay's interview in Ongline and it was really touching. Imagine, 3 years together and it's over. I feel for your Kay. And as for JAPodCast, I was listening to his entry of how he came out to his mother. His only 15 years old and he is out to his mom. That was interesting. Made me think of what will happen when I eventually come out to my parents.

-Live Long & Prosper

Sweet Sweet Fantasy Baby

Morning all. It's a perfect morning today here in campus. I feel like a million bucks. Heheheh. I had the sweetest, lovely, beautiful and all that warm and fuzzy feeling dream ever. Come to think of it, I haven't had dreams in many years. (Except a nightmare. A bunch of us went to withness an execution. Scary...) And yes, today's entry is about this dream.

A little history on the dream I'm going to blog about. Last night, Mc Dave and I were smsing each other. We were talking about his upcoming birthday. He was going to spend it alone. Alone?! No one spends birthdays alone. (Except if you're in my family.) So I was telling him why not spend his birthday at his place like a small dinner, he cook and I'll help kind of thing. (Just the two of us. In his house. Kinky~~~) It is still in planning stage but I hope it happens.

So the dream that I had was basically me in his place on his birthday. I was helping out with the cooking. Being the slut that I am these days, I deliberately touched him or made intimate strokes while he was cooking. (Did I ever tell you that men who cook is such a turn on for me? Jamie Oliver don't count.)

Dinner was served. (Well we served ourselves.) It was a candle light dinner with a small round table and seats for two. We sat opposite of each other with the candle flame dancing away between us. We talked, we ate, we foot-seid and we looked into each other's eyes, deep into our fabric of our existance. It was like the scene in Lady and The Tramp, where the two dogs were in a fancy French cafe eating spaghetti and meatball.

Our eyes met again and this time our lust for each other were too much to bare so he grabbed me and whisked me off and into his bedroom leaving a trail of clothings behind us. (I shall leave the rest of the details to your imaginations.)

The next morning, I woke up and caught him looking at me while I was asleep. We just gazed into each other's eyes and nothing else in the world mattered. We were in a place where it was peaceful, serene and tranquil. I felt the empty hole in my soul was being filled up by him and the harsh winter in me began to melt as the warmth of his body radiated and brought life in me. Our lips met and ... (Again, you'll have to fill in the blanks yourselves.)

As they say, "Easy come, easy go". I was awoken by two sms. One was from Maxis telling me I have used up 80% of my limit (I did not know I have been messaging Mc Dave soo often this month.) and another from my club's President Elect. Sigh, "Potong Steam".

-Live Long & Prosper

...

Today is one of those days where I have no thoughts of my own. As I sit in front of my computer, I just stare at the monitor blankly, lost into the abyss. No signs of any cognitive activities nor any higher brain functions.

-Live Long & Prosper

Dysfunctional Family

My family consists of mother, father, elder bro, elder sis and me. (The youngest of the lot.) My elder bro is 12 years older than me and my elder sis is 10 years older than me. See where I am going? As Carrie Bradshaw would say, "I cannot help but wonder..." I cannot help but wonder, did mom forgot to take the pill or did dad forgot to wear his rubber? Quite an interesting question but never did approach my parents about it. Did not matter to me anyways. I am just happy that I am here. (And queer.)

So how dysfunctional is my family? Hmmm... On a scale from 1 (perfect) - 10 (screwed), I rate it a 8. Let me start with my parents. From what I can recall, they were never involved in my life at all, up till now in fact. They do not know what is going on in my life nor do I have a clue of what is going on in their life. I find it very annoying when they start asking questions about me. I guess this is the effect of not staying with your parents for the entire schooling years. (I did stay with them for a year and I absolutely hated it.)

Recently, I turned 21. It seems like a huge affair for everyone except when it comes to my family. We do not celebrate much in this household, if ever. I have no idea why. The only celebration we have is Chinese New Year. I never liked it. Meeting with pretentious family members is just not my way for celebrating CNY. So needless to say, my 21st birthday went on without any celebration (Not even a natural disaster.) nor any wishes from my parents. The only people who wished me were my sis and bro-in-law and friends. (Both in Aussie.) Great way of ushering their youngest (And queerest.) son into the adult world. But I guess I'm already used to it. Was not expecting anything to happen on that day anyways. My dad even asked me if I want a celebration. (I was thinking WTF? Do you even need to ask?) I just said no, being the good son that I am, trying not to burden them financially.

And then there is my brother. He is rather uncanny. He does not talk much to us nor my parents. Very quiet but when it comes to friends, he is all out. And he remained like this till this day. Maybe a little more closer to my parents, I don't know. I hardly see him nor speak to him.

My family is really a scattered family. My parents currently in KL, my bro in Terengganu, my sis in Aussie and me in Perak. Even with the invention of handphone or internet, we are worlds apart.

The only people I talk to in my family is my sis and bro-in-law. But since they are in Aussie, it is kinda hard to keep in contact with them everyday. I do chat with my bro-in-law with GTalk, so that's not so bad. Even so, it would be nice if they are here or I'm there. (I prefer the latter.)

-Live Long & Prosper

Me? Queer? No...

When I was writing this entry, the phrase "Born to be Wild" keeps popping up in my head. But I think the more appropriate phrase will be "Born to be Gay". I am sure you all have some self discovery (Sorry. Only for those applicable for this situation. I'm not trying to be sexist here.) stories so I shall start with mine.

I guess my self discovery started (I was not aware of it back then.) when puberty started, which was way way too early. Around about 10 years old... At such a young age with raging hormons?! Imagine... What was worst (Or a blessing, however way you want to see it.) was that I was in an all boys school. So I was never short of eye candies. Heheheh. But back then I did not think much of it nor did I say anything about it. I was generally a "Keep to myself" type of kid. Years when by, same thing occured in high school but did not think much of it then too. Even when I was exposed to the gay stuff. Never really bothered me.

But one fine day (I was 15 years old.), my bro-in-law (Russian-Aussie) called me to his apartment for a chat. I did not know what was the chat about. But I remember some of the dialog and it somewhat sounded like this.

Bro: I think you're gay.
Me: Frozen in time... (I was thinking WTF?!)
Bro: Its ok. There's nothing to be ashame about. It is normal. I have a friend who is gay back in Aussie. We're really close friends.
Me: Still speachless...

Then he went on talking about his friend and how his parents kicked him out of home when they found out. The kicking out of home part was not his main topic. He is just trying to tell me that he'll support me no matter what my oreantation is. But here is the weird part, I did not know I was gay till last year, and hearing my bro-in-law said that he thought that I am gay was terrifying. But after that, I did not think much of it either.

On to my uni life. During the end of my first year, a friend of mine confessed to me that he is gay. I thought, "Wow. That's interesting." (Well, more like I laugh at him cause he made it sound like a huge crisis. I told him, it doesn't matter to me what he is.) As time went by, we were "fooling" (Catch my drift?) around a few times. Maybe more than a few times but who's keeping count eh.

Then came my second year, I met a junior in a fellowship camp. On the first night, we were sharing our secrets in our tent. I do not know why but it just happened. So he told us (My roommie and me.) he is gay and how he had slept with this person he knew. Its as though gay people just come to me and confess or something. So that was his secret. Then my roommie shared his, then it was my turn. I took a long deep breath and told them of my experience with my friend. You should have seen the look on their faces. It was priceless. They think I'm some kind of an angel (Devil in Angel's outfit that is.) and that I would be the last person on Earth to do such kinky things. They were just shocked. Hahahahha. I find it really hilarious. So I started asking questions about being gay and all that. I remembered this short dialog with him.

Me: So how do I know if I'm gay?
Junior: You just do.
Me: When would I know?
Junior: When the time is right. Don't force it. It'll come to you.

So I was thinking about it. Took me a few months to know that I am really gay. It was not like a terrifying experience but it was rather liberating to know who I am. (At least, a small part of me.) So that is pretty much how I discovered myself. From then on, I slowly came out of the closet to my friends and my bro-in-law and I guess from him, my sis knows too. Everyone has been rather supportive of me so far. Final destination, Parents. But I'll wait till I have my own cash flowing into my bank account. Just incase.

P.S. Oh I had my tarot cards read (This was after I met my junior and during the time I was thinking about my orientation.) and boy it was really really freaky. My sis, bro-in-law and me went to my sis's friend's place for dinner. After dinner, we had a tarot reading card session. My card basically told me, "You're Gay and you know it. Do not deny it. Live your life however fit you see it. And yada yada yada." (Its been about 2 years, so I can't really remember the whole details. But that is what basically I remembered.)

-Live Long & Prosper

Adoniss In My Current Life

As what the title says, I'm gonna list out all the adoniss that ogle at (At any given opportunity.) in my current campus life. They are:

1. Mc Dicky
2. Mc Dave
3. Mc Engaged
4. Mc Crawly

Ok I shall start with Mc Dicky. He is tall, fair and has the cutest smile I have ever seen. I would always hope to bump into him wherever I go. He lives in the same "village" as me in campus. In fact, he lives a floor down but my friend QH (Faghag) seemed to bump into him more often than me. (QH, HE IS MINE. GOT THAT.) He is kind of a loner type cause he has his meals in his room. I wonder if he's got no friend to have meal with. They say, "A meal is best when having with a bunch of friends." Perhaps I should invite him for a meal one day. The problem is, I'm super, super shy with him. I do not know why. I'm a person who is not shy of anything. But THIS?! Sigh. At least I have spoken to him before. Such a soft-spoken person. (*droool...) So he is at the top of my list. In fact, I saw him this morning packing food. But just the sight of him makes me sooo high and happy...

Now Mc Dave. Mc Dave is David from the previous post. He is a guy I met in Axcest. We just clicked right away I guess. He called me for the first time after we were rather bored of chatting online and I was rather curious of how he sounds like. The way a person speaks is rather important to me. I do not know why. It is a subconscious thing I guess. But unfortunately, I have not been able to meet him since he is in Shah Alam and I am "here"... From what I can tell from his pics are that he is tall, 5`11 (I am 5`10, ideal height there.) and he is still studying but in KL. (I know. Shah Alam - KL. Long trip. But he has his classes twice a week. He is working at the same time.) I catch myself smsing him whenever I'm bored or whenever I'm bored he sms (I like to think we have a psychic link.) He is a funny guy in his ways, kind and caring. I really want to meet him during my holidays and hope something more can happen. (*Cross fingers~~~)

Mc Engaged. I met him in one Rotaract function last month. And my, it was drool at first sight. He is shy and quiet type of a guy. He is really tall, I think he is a 6 footer. (Drool somemore...) And not to mention his hair. Very classical side parted but the fringe is just breath-taking. I do not know how to say it but it soo appealing to me. Pity I did not get to know him more during the function cause I was the committee. As his nick suggested, he may or may not be engaged. I am confused. In his Friendster, there was a 4 months old testimonial saying he is getting married. I remember reading it and my heart just sank like the Titanic... It hit a solid iceberg and sank straight to the pitts of sorrowness... Sigh.

Last but not least, Mc Crawly. I met him in the same function Mc Engaged. He has the most magnificent hair. Shoulder length hair, smooth as silk, densed, and straight. It is heavenly just to look at him. He is very friendly and sociable especially when it comes to drinking. He and I shared drinks together. Ahhhh... What a night. He is tall too, 6 footer I think. I wanna be a 6 footer too... His smile is also super cute... (Kawaii desu~~~) But his interested in my friend KKK (Faghag) so he is definately straight. Fortunately for me, KKK is taken so I can still enjoy him single. Hehehhe. I shall enjoy him from a far with my tub of Haagen dazs.

So there. List of men I ogle at. Who are your adoniss in your life? :P

-Live Long & Prosper

Mercurial Brain...

13 days to go till my first paper for the finals starts. And what am I doing, blogging... I can't study... My brains are soo out of focus. Sooo fickle minded today. I have no idea why. The weather is perfect, books are here but brains not focusing. Arrrg. I hope this phase passes by soon. Can't even write my entry properly...

I had a scare after my afternoon sleep today. Well it wasn't even a sleep. Some dude kept calling me. Looking for his sis or something like that. Well I was annoyed non the less... After that, I got about 30 minutes of sleep until I got a SMS from David. Ah... David... Shall have to tell that story in a future post. Anyways, I woke up with my nose filled with snot. I was terrified that I got the bug... I do not wanna get the bug... Not now... Took dem many blows to finally have my nasal cleared from snot... My friend, KKK was kind enough to give me Actifad for my flu. (3 pills only?!) So far, no other signs of me getting the bug.

On a brighter side of things, Grey's Anatomy 224 is out!~~~ Finally... Going to go watch it now. What's the fuss I hear you ask? This is what. New character~~~ New eye candy~~~ Mc Vet is his name or better known as Chris O Donnell. Hehehehe. Such a cutie... I hope he stays in the series for a long long time to come. (*droooool.)

-Live Long & Prosper

Is It Karma?

So my day started out oh so fabulously. I was awoken with the sensation of cramps in my abdominal region. It was painful enough to wake me up from my slumber at 8.30 in the morning. I was thinking, am I having a period? Now? Wait... I don't even have va-jay-jay, how am I supposed to get period? (Not a morning person. Brains go haywire. Hence, identity crisis.) But the pain subsided and I went back to sleep. I didn't really know what was going on but continued sleeping. Half an hour later, GTalk started pinging. Woke up again... This time the abdominal pain came in full force. Rushed to the loo~~~ (I shall spare the details...)

Soon, my stomach was demanding for food. Time for lunch but I was really broke. Only Rm1 left in my wallet. Shit~~~ Dressed up and started walking (A long walk too.) to the ATM. Thank goodness for the invention of PDA. At least my walk was shorten with MP3 playing. Walk... Walk... Walk... Sweat... Sweat somemore...

And tadaa, I arrived. Removed card from wallet and as I was about to insert the card, I saw the message on the monitor. "Maaf. Perkhidmatan Tergendala. We're Sorry. Machine is Out of Service." Temper brooding... Blood pressure rising... Heart beating like hummingbird... My vein was about to pop out of my forehead and strangle myself... Fine. Walk back... Called a friend to loan some money.

Bought myself rice with vegetables for lunch. Vegetables should be safe for me for the moment. Darn darn involentary bowel movements... Just when I thought nothing could go wrong now, I was notified that my presentation this evening was cancelled. AGAIN. FOR THE FUCKING 3RD TIME~~~ WTF I say. WTF~~~

I mean how queer is that!!! Queer!!! Queer!!! Aaaaarg.

-Live Long & Prosper

Boys Will Be Boys

Ah... Eh... Ih... Oh... Uh... I do not know what to make of these videoclips I found...

Mindless entertainment for everyone~~~

The guy on the right is kinda cute. :P




-Live Long & Prosper

Not So Long Ago...

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

They, asked me how I knew,
My true love was true,
I of course replied, something here inside,
Can not be denied.

They, said some day you'll find,
All who love are blind,
When you heart's on fire, you must realize,
Smoke gets in your eyes.

So I chaffed them, and I gaily laughed,
To think they would doubt our love,
And yet today, my love has gone away,
I am without my love.

Now laughing friends deride,
Tears I cannot hide,
So I smile and say, when a lovely flame dies,
Smoke gets in your eyes,

Smoke gets in your eyes.

A sudden wave of sadness came upon me today. I was reminiscing the days when SP and I were together. This is not the first time me thinking about it. What went wrong? Who fault was it? Was it me? Was it him? But soon I realised, those questions do not have definate answers. But then I still could not help but wonder.

Love is the best and the worst thing that has happened. And for that I am glad. I've learnt a little more about me and have grown a little. Even though we have not spoken eye to eye nor call each other often as last time when we were together, I still do love you and I know you still love me too. Those were the best moments in my life. Thank you...

-Live Long & Prosper