Me? Queer? No...

When I was writing this entry, the phrase "Born to be Wild" keeps popping up in my head. But I think the more appropriate phrase will be "Born to be Gay". I am sure you all have some self discovery (Sorry. Only for those applicable for this situation. I'm not trying to be sexist here.) stories so I shall start with mine.

I guess my self discovery started (I was not aware of it back then.) when puberty started, which was way way too early. Around about 10 years old... At such a young age with raging hormons?! Imagine... What was worst (Or a blessing, however way you want to see it.) was that I was in an all boys school. So I was never short of eye candies. Heheheh. But back then I did not think much of it nor did I say anything about it. I was generally a "Keep to myself" type of kid. Years when by, same thing occured in high school but did not think much of it then too. Even when I was exposed to the gay stuff. Never really bothered me.

But one fine day (I was 15 years old.), my bro-in-law (Russian-Aussie) called me to his apartment for a chat. I did not know what was the chat about. But I remember some of the dialog and it
somewhat sounded like this.

Bro: I think you're gay.
Me: Frozen in time... (I was thinking WTF?!)
Bro: Its ok. There's nothing to be ashame about. It is normal. I have a friend who is gay back in Aussie. We're really close friends.
Me: Still speachless...

Then he went on talking about his friend and how his parents kicked him out of home when they found out. The kicking out of home part was not his main topic. He is just trying to tell me that he'll support me no matter what my oreantation is. But here is the weird part, I did not know I was gay till last year, and hearing my bro-in-law said that he thought that I am gay was terrifying. But after that, I did not think much of it either.

On to my uni life. During the end of my first year, a friend of mine confessed to me that he is gay. I thought, "Wow. That's interesting." (Well, more like I laugh at him cause he made it sound like a huge crisis. I told him, it doesn't matter to me what he is.) As time went by, we were "fooling" (Catch my drift?) around a few times. Maybe more than a few times but who's keeping count eh.

Then came my second year, I met a junior in a fellowship camp. On the first night, we were sharing our secrets in our tent. I do not know why but it just happened. So he told us (My roommie and me.) he is gay and how he had slept with this person he knew. Its as though gay people just come to me and confess or something. So that was his secret. Then my roommie shared his, then it was my turn. I took a long deep breath and told them of my experience with my friend. You should have seen the look on their faces. It was priceless. They think I'm some kind of an angel
(Devil in Angel's outfit that is.) and that I would be the last person on Earth to do such kinky things. They were just shocked. Hahahahha. I find it really hilarious. So I started asking questions about being gay and all that. I remembered this short dialog with him.

Me: So how do I know if I'm gay?
Junior: You just do.
Me: When would I know?
Junior: When the time is right. Don't force it. It'll come to you.

So I was thinking about it. Took me a few months to know that I am really gay. It was not like a terrifying experience but it was rather liberating to know who I am. (At least, a small part of me.) So that is pretty much how I discovered myself. From then on, I slowly came out of the closet to my friends and my bro-in-law and I guess from him, my sis knows too. Everyone has been rather supportive of me so far. Final destination, Parents. But I'll wait till I have my own cash flowing into my bank account. Just incase.

P.S. Oh I had my tarot cards read (This was after I met my junior and during the time I was thinking about my orientation.) and boy it was really really freaky. My sis, bro-in-law and me went to my sis's friend's place for dinner. After dinner, we had a tarot reading card session. My card basically told me, "You're Gay and you know it. Do not deny it. Live your life however fit you see it. And yada yada yada." (Its been about 2 years, so I can't really remember the whole details. But that is what basically I remembered.)

-Live Long & Prosper


ceusm said...

i never played tarot before.. but somehow i did have use my birth details to find a predictors to look at it.. Somehow none accurate.. Somehow none told me that i'm gay.. Everyone told me i will get married blah blah.. uhmnn.. What a waste of money to find them sigh...

defiant85 said...

Well the tarot card didn't have like a set of gay cards or anything. Its the message that I got when I heard the prediction. It was just scary. So far the predictions that I have been to are rather accurate.

MrBunnyBan said...

Tarot cards eh? Haven't seen many of those- Tarot isn't South east asian, after all.

Nice coming out story. I'm glad you didn't have to go through much grief.

Prince of Darkness said...

Amazing tarot card...maybe we can play with it when i'm there ah...wanna c mine as well. Curious...

joshua said...

wow big shocking post there. glad things went generally well for you.
personally i don't believe in tarot cards or any of the sort. we score our own paths, i think. u even had some 'help n support' group already.

btw, isnt diversity just so hip? liking boys and having babelicious faghags is oh-so eye-turning what!

defiant85 said...

Well I personally am not a fan of those prediction but the tarots were just too freaky. I mean I know what the thing meant. Its like the card spoke to me or something. I was really freaked out. :P